Zero Productivity in India

According to a recent study, by reliable sources, it is said that the productivity of the country today will stand at 0%. Manipalblog.com correspondent researches…..

This recent study was made with the help of a questionnaire that was answered by Indians from the stipulated age of 8-80. It was taken on a broad spectrum of the society, to reflect the feelings of the common Indian.

What is most alarming is the fact that the question, “Will you be attending office/college/school today?”, was met by an emphatic NO(About 99.5% people voted ‘NO’). We (randomly) selected a person who answered to the positive. According to Mr. Bakshi, “This day has no significance to me. I shall work towards making my country a better nation EVERYDAY”. It was later found out that Mr. Bakshi was found unconscious in a dumpster somewhere near Beedinagudde as a group of people (who called themselves “The Bleeding Blue Crew”)  make sure that the streets are devoid of people in the afternoon. Cows and goats are, however, welcome.

Social Psychology expert Mrs. Joshi pointed out, ”People seem to be fanatically drawn towards their TV in the last couple of months, apparently something major is happening on it today. This has made us Indians more united than ever before.”

Further research into this matter revealed that this matter is not being taken seriously by the government. The question, “Do you think the Government should declare today, a national holiday?” was also answered to the positive (99.79% people voted ‘YES’. There were some people who would attend college/office today but wanted a holiday anyway). However when the Udupi Municipal office was contacted, they had no clue about this current development. According to an official statement released by them, they would remain open for the day. However at 2, there would be an extended lunch break till 5, after which office workers would be allowed to leave.

In the more local aspect, Manipal will also see empty streets when the clock strikes 2 today. However, one section of the local economy that would profit from this day are the bars of Manipal. “I was eagerly waiting for this day, I am going to make SO much of money!!!” gushed Amit anna, owner of the popular “Dee Tee” bar downtown. As a dedication to him, the deejay of Dee Tee decided to play “Money” by Pink Floyd on a loop yesterday night.

There are however some skeptics to the joys of this day. “I don’t see the point to it, The CWC is hyped!“,said Lionel De. He was later seen weeping as his friends left him to go to Cosmo Café, where they would be spending the rest of the day drinking beer.

On further analysis, the correspondent finally found out the reason for this non-productivity.

Today, the wheels of India come to a grinding halt, as a team of 1.5 Billion people, stand behind in support of 11 men dressed in blue, in the war field that is Mohali.

It doesn’t get better than this!