Boys Don’t Cry

Image: By b.t.k.-queen

Oh god ! why did I keep postponing it ? I should have studied. Its all due to my laziness. Tomorrow is my PSM exam and I haven’t even studied a word. What would I do about the leprosy, diabetes, Epidemiology, anemia.

No, I can’t afford to fail in this exam and waste 6 months of my career. How will I tell my parents ? God, just get me through this time and next time, I will surely study. I promise and I am not lying this time. Please give me one more chance. I think, I would get a heart attack, I am having palpitations. I feel like crying, oh no,”boys don’t cry” that’s what mom used to say as she applied dettol on my bruises.

How strongly I wish, I didn’t have to give this exam tomorrow. What if something happens, something like riots, another bomb blast. What about a major earthquake? even a chhota mota Tsunami would do … but where will I get an ocean from ! what if the C. M. dies…. Somebody give me Dawood’s number, nah… that
would be too costly !!! How about a magnanimous rain and thunder storm…… I must be paranoid …. For god’s sake. It’s the month of may. But something has to happen … god, just give me one calamity 9/11,  Bhopal Gas tragedy, a riot … anything would do…..

I think I must sleep now. I can’t turn the world around by studying in these 8 hrs. An alprazolam would do good. Shall I set the alarm for 7 in morning ? Nah.. what are mothers for? Now, that I am taking her for granted.. She has taught me many things but most importantly – Boys Don’t Cry.

Strange – Its 8 in the morning and no one woke me up ! How can my parents be so irresponsible? There comes dad – but why is he so gloomy. What’s the matter? where are my spectacles? Let me ask mom…. Mom, mom, where are you” “ would anyone tell me what’s going on?

No, this is not what I asked for. This can’t be happening. It’s not real. She is lying in front of me. She’s not moving, she is not breathing, she is not talking. You can’t do this to me.. God not my mom ! I am ready to give my exam.

Please don’t punish me like this. She’s got to get up. I love her so much. Plz god she’s got to get up. Please don’t go mom, you promised me a treat after the exams are over. You said you will present me a bike. You said you’ll prepare kheer for me today. You can’t turn your back on all your promises.

I am sorry god. Please let my mother live again please listen to me.

My world is shattered, light has gone out of my life. I wish she could just hug me once and say that I would pass the exam. Life is not worth it anymore. I feel like shouting. I feel like howling, most of all , I feel like crying but mom used to say – : “ Boys Don’t Cry”