Khap Village Panchayat proscribes education

Diktats are on rise. After the controversial diktat that was issued by a Khap Panchayath in UP which limited the freedom of girls for their “goodness”, another village in India, has issued a diktat asking for closure of all schools in the village.

The diktat, issued by the Panchayath, has demanded the closure of all schools citing that the textbooks were “too risky” for young people.”The Panchayat therefore demands the closure of all schools within the territory of Vidyasagar village. This is to prevent kids from learning subjects like General Science and Social Science which allow them to become abortionists or even politicians.

Thus, these subjects can be construed to be too risky and not suitable for young minds” the official statement said. Sources close to the officials of the Panchayat told this author that this directive was issued by “some lazy brats who had earlier orchestrated a successful Panchayath coup and took over the power ousting the old regime.”
However, the Panchayath spokesperson, Vidya Balan, denied the coup-reports in a Facebook message. “Dude, this is not true! You people simply create things out of nothing! Even I wasn’t this good at creating things when asked questions when I was in school! Stop being indulged into these kinds of speculations” the 21-year-old Plus-two (twice) student replied to this correspondent ‘s query.

The opposition has been quick to unleash its scathing attack on the Government. It has called a “Saksharatha Bandh” due next week. “I am yet to read the directive. I have to peruse the document” Manish Tewari said during the routine media session, maintaining a neutral stance. “This is totally unacceptable! This is a Taliban-Style diktat and shouldn’t be permitted in our nation! These people are aiming to increase the population of our country and create an unrest!” Nirmala Sidharaman, the BJP spokesperson, told a prominent Indian TV channel.

While the opposition against the directive is mounting, the UP government hasn’t broke its silence. “Yayyayaya! I no go school anymore. I play full time onwards tomorrow! This is good” said Aravind, an eighteen year old cheerfully.

All the facts mentioned in this article are fiction. But you already knew that. Didn’t you?

About the author: A 15-year-old old average Indian with too many dreams and too less effort. Love reading and writing, but haven’t been able to do neither for a longtime now. This was a spoof I wrote after media reports on kangaroo courts and khap panchayat were rife.

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Edited by: Omkar Shetty