Dear friend,
I know the condolences will appear whenever a person recognizes the hole in your heart that this loss has left behind. I know you’ll continue to accept the sympathies graciously, and I also know no words will be enough to soothe your soul.
Death is inscrutable, especially when it strikes someone who’s a part of your life and soul. Unexpected grief is awful and baffling. It makes you feel like you’re lingering on the edge of a cliff with ambiguous noise in your head. You are not able to comprehend the magnitude of grief that engulfs you. You stand there wondering if it will ever end, knowing it will always have the power to consume you.
We all have different experiences with loss that can reveal themselves in many ways. Sometimes, it’s a response that is quite clear for those around you to see. And sometimes, there are lots of emotions that we don’t know how to let out; we’re not sure how we should be feeling or whether it’s right to be having specific angry or complex thoughts. I want you to know it’s okay to not have the best memories, say the right thing, or have the answers to everything; sometimes, you want a chance to speak about your experience with loss and pour your heart out.
I don’t believe that the human mind is ever truly capable of handling the sudden loss of a loved one. Never being able to talk to, see or hold someone feels inconceivable. We spend our whole life neglecting the possibility of this reality until it confronts us. And when it does, it is so bewildering that we hope it’s just a nightmare.
Death steals moments, memories, and expectations we had spent our entire lives treasuring in our minds and hearts. It steals those moments of togetherness, laughter, warm hugs, and much-needed advice. It leaves us behind with a plethora of emotions to go through and often the scars of a battle that never really go away.
It’s absolutely okay to cry and be a blubbering mess sometimes. If you try to stop it, you’ll feel a lot worse. You want to cry because your brain tells you that you need to process this, not to fight it but to let it pass. Only then you’ll feel that the pressure is unloaded.
What’s most important to realize is that it’s also okay to find joy again. At times, you’ll inevitably feel the pressure to respond a certain way, but you don’t have to. There isn’t any right or wrong way to handle a situation so tragic and earth-shattering. You deserve no guilts and regrets. There is no blame to be dealt with nor war to be won. Peace is the only cure, and it comes gradually.
Life throws you both lows and highs. There will be times when you’ll feel strong and when you simply won’t. Your family, friends, and every person who cares about you will always be there to get you through rough times. They will always stand beside you for every version of yourself that arises on this journey – the angry you, the strong you, the broken you, and the healing you. They are the lifeguards who’ll help you swim across this vast ocean of grief instead of being consumed by it. They’re here to keep you afloat when you drift too far from the shore.
To everyone who has lost a loved one too soon, know that you’re not alone in your struggle with life. The ocean of grief is not vast enough to combat the power of love and support from your lifeguards. The love around you, the love from the people watching you from above, will always be strong enough to bring you back to the shore.
Sincerely,
A lifeguard and a child in the ocean.
About the Author: Prerna Mittal is a first-year student at Manipal Institute of Technology, MAHE.
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