The Many More Perks Of Being A Medico

In the previous article – The perks of being a medico, (yup, I had written one) I had mentioned a few of the things we face in medical college. Just when I was beginning to think more hilarity couldn’t possibly ensue, my brain got more observant, analytical, and paranoid. Let me explain.
Once you enter the medical world, your brain’s wiring changes forever, for the worse. When you see someone with bulky muscles and prominent veins, you find yourself contemplating the ease of cannula insertion, or using them as specimens to study anatomy.
Overthinking happens at a whole new level; you stop perceiving things as they are. Food transforms into an amalgam of carbohydrates, proteins, microorganisms etc. and this becomes your new train of thoughts; ‘The roadside pani puri I had yesterday? Yeah, that’s probably infested with bacteria. I think my stomach hurts. No, I am sure my stomach hurts. It’s either nothing or peptic ulcer, which can lead to cancer. No! I am too young to die…’
If not stress or infectious diseases(gifts from patients or batch mates), then its hypochondria we suffer from…
Life of A Medico
We are apparently well versed in deception; clubbing, PROM, VMA, ACE, ART, TRUST, TORCH are nothing to be excited about. We know how to look awake and fresh, even if we are severely sleep deprived. We know how to look calm and composed even if we are worried sick about something or someone (also when we have a full bladder that could burst at any moment).
Sleep is a major paradox in our lives. When we aren’t supposed to, we are capable of falling asleep anywhere, anytime. Coffee? Oh, that’s right, we are resistant to it. When sleep time finally arrives, our brains decide that sleep is for the ugly; after all, dark circles are the latest fashion statement.
Another brilliant epiphany my brain had was, that it often gets the pleasure of perceiving sweet revenge being served on professors or batch mates who were mean to me at some point. This sweet revenge takes the form of patients. Let me substantiate my point with an incident (this phrase is the after-effect of writing many exams).
My batch mates and I were standing in the Orthopedic OPD when a patient walked in with pain in his fingers. He gave a detailed account of his problem and handed over an X-ray to the doctor; an X-ray which showed the lower half of his palm and part of his forearm, and no part of his fingers. As expected, he was asked to take another X-ray, but he stubbornly refused and demanded treatment. The doctor calmly and clearly explained why another X-ray was needed. Any sensible person would have taken another X-ray after hearing the reasoning given. Not this guy though. Oh, no. He became even more obstinate on being treated sans the X-ray. My batch mates and I were left laughing internally at the plight of the exasperated doctor.
Three years into medical college, that’s all. And yet, so many hilarious moments and realizations. I wonder what the future holds. Lets hope it gets crazier from here, for, as I had mentioned in the previous article, losing ones sanity is the key to staying sane.

About the Author: This article is written by Krishnapriya R, a 3rd year student at Kasturba Medical College, Mangalore.

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