Not all men think of sex the same way

one night stands

Sex. As a word, it can be used to mean love, lust, desire, wants, perversions or obsession.

For me, sex isn’t as important like the other guys my generation say it is. This may be because I’ve only had sex once. Trust me, it wasn’t anything worth banging my head on the wall for.

I take the act of intercourse as a serious move. It’s not worth having sex if you don’t really love someone. Anything else is just lust. I can’t speak from personal experience when it deals with having multiple partners, but it doesn’t mean I haven’t heard stories.

So far, I’ve heard, so many scoring stories from guys that I could write a book. It could be one that belongs with the erotic fantasy and pleasure genre at any bookstore. Some stories involve sadomasochism and domination and bondage gear. Others include creeping in the bedroom of another while they’re asleep and vulnerable. It’s a crazy sick world out there. Anything that you can imagine is probably being done by someone in some apartment right now. Some stories I believe, others I don’t. It all depends on the source and the digging around that I do later on.

The old joke, if there is one, about virgins dying young isn’t true anymore. They aren’t the ones dying. They’re the ones living a little longer.

The stories sound made up or exaggerated when they don’t include what the other person was thinking or saying at the time. They say it was the best or sweetest. Fine, but is it worth it? What about the risk of AIDS? What about the real love? All it is, is a Russian roulette game ready to backfire.

Now the other stories, the “we made love” stories, the ones I rarely hear because they’re personal and kept private, I only hear them because the person that tells me trusts me enough to tell me. You see, if two people made love, it wouldn’t be the focus of the afternoon school gossip. The sex that comes out of love isn’t abused. It’s cherished.

People who say “we had sex” or “we were so in love that I made out with him or her (after a week or two)” isn’t really love. It’s lust. They are doing it for their own personal pleasure. But pleasure has its consequences.

I take sex seriously. I don’t abuse it like last week’s thrill. The one time I had sex, I had it because I was curious. I didn’t love it though. Not like the girl did. I think maybe because I was a little punk and I was too young to understand what I was doing. Since then I’ve had nothing but close calls. Sometimes, I think I want sex, but then I’m not sure that I could stop myself. I check myself and ask, is this what I really want to do? I think I’m lucky though because I haven’t fallen into committing sexual extremities.

But for me, sex isn’t everything. There is no sexual tension I have to gel rid of. There is nothing I have to prove to myself or someone else. I have the urges, but I don’t want to commit to anything unless it’s real.

Real intimacy and real love.

As the friend of many men and women, I’ve been the observer and not the doer. I only see the other person go from kissing in the back seat of a car to being the creator of muffled sounds coming from the other bedroom in the house. Believe me I know things about sex. I don’t mean pornography tapes stashed underneath Vijay’s bed or looking through Dev’s peeping binoculars. I’ve been in the same room with people as they make out.

As a guy, I do want to have sex. But I’m trapped between seeing someone else having sex and feeling indecisive when I do want to have sex. That’s  why for me sex isn’t everything, not just yet. I prefer the romance and the adventure. The time and loyalty, the good times and trouble. Sex is good for something but it isn’t everything. It isn’t something you have to lean on or to support in a relationship.

Giving up your virginity is a serious sacrifice. It’s like painting blue in a white plaster wall or square chunk of chalk. Once you’ve had sex you can’t take it back. You can’t separate the thick colors. You can’t. Later on you feel horrible. Someone once told me that it was a horrible mistake for her. She felt a little hatred toward the guy after  he had sex with her. And the reason she hated him was because he took something of hers that she wasn’t ready lo give up.

It’s a treasure. I’m serious. I’m not joking. Sex is the part of us where we know we have at anytime of our lives and we shouldn’t abuse it. I know people that think they are nymphomaniacs. But they’re not. I think they’re just curious and excited to know that there’s someone else there that shares their feeling of intimacy and someone they can freely have sex with.

I honestly have to say it personally hurts me to find out they’ve had sex too quickly. Too quick did they give themselves up. Something that important shouldn’t be abused. I think losing your virginity and having sex is like a sacred gift or a sacrifice you trade for something called love. It’s the complement to the relationship, not the relationship. You hear a lot about girls saying guys wear their brains downstairs (in the little apartment), but what about a guy stating girls wear theirs in the triangle between their legs.

It’s funny listening to women harass men about wanting only sex all the time. According to my personal experiences, and third person observation of relationships and dating, I’ve seen so much to dispel that myth that men are the only sex hounds. Nymphomaniacs who live for sex will have to face the damage waiting for them one day. It will be a destructive lesson they cannot escape. Everything in excess has its consequence.

How do I know? I really don’t. I’m not a nymphomaniac, and I don’t have friends that are nymphomaniacs, but you don’t have to be sick to know what a sick person looks like.

About the Author: This is a guest post by Arjun D. Arjun is a student at Jyothismathi Institute of Technological Sciences, Karimnagar, Andhra Pradesh.


  1. This article is wrong on so many levels… I really hope it gets taken down… One of the worst articles I’ve ever read in my life. Let’s take a quick tour through the mind of Mr. Arjun D.
    Arjun – “People who say “we had sex” or “we were so in love that I made out with him or her (after a week or two)” isn’t really love. It’s lust. They are doing it for their own personal pleasure. But pleasure has its consequences.” …… really? Arjun seems to be quite sure about this…so couples who know what they’re doing when they sleep together and have made a conscious decision to do so are doing it just for the heck of it?

    Even if they are who in the world is Arjun to tell them its wrong? People have a right to have any sort of sex they feel like…irrespective. Mr. Arjun here had sex with someone because he was curious!!! are you freaking kidding me? so that was perfectly OK? It’s obviously very respectful to sleep with someone to settle your curiosity isn’t it… this sentence made me cringe – “but pleasure has it’s consequences” Come on, give me a break. So now it’s a problem if it doesn’t feel good and it’s a problem when it feels good?

    Let’s go to this one – “Nymphomaniacs who live for sex will have to face the damage waiting for them one day. It will be a destructive lesson they cannot escape. Everything in excess has its consequence.” Excuse me? Sex is not a commodity like sweets or alcohol! Is he trying to say that someone who likes having a lot of sex will have a sad life ahead of them? I beg to differ… everyone is entitled to have as much sex as they want and far as i know it’s really not something someone else can be a judge of…that way anyone having more sex than Mr. Arjun ( i.e. more than once) will always be having way too much sex for Mr.Arjun to handle and it’s quite disgusting how he makes that statement like he’s preaching some devout followers of his on a hill.

    Then there is – “I’m not a nymphomaniac, and I don’t have friends that are nymphomaniacs, but you don’t have to be sick to know what a sick person looks like.” Yes Mr. Arjun, we don’t need to be narrow-minded sick individuals to know you’re a narrow minded sick individual who judges people on the basis of their sex lives. I’m sorry but this entire article feels like a desperate attempt to explain your own dysfunctional sex life and it fails miserably…

    What’s more amusing is his opinion on the different ways people choose to experiment with sex. Mr Arjun, what is your problem if someone likes to be dominant or be dominated in bed? Are they tying you up? No. Do they want to use a strap on you? No. They want to try all that between themselves…if you ask them they may even let you be “the observer” as you call yourself. The man who’s been in the same room as other people make out!! Oh my god!! so scandalizing… you might not know it but you may be a natural voyeur. If you wanted to you would’ve left the room…or just don’t look …if it doesn’t impress you too much why are you still giving a shit about it?

    A young person who has just started a healthy fulfilling sex life might start doubting his normalcy after reading this.If I have to be very blunt this is like a rant after having a bad first experience with sex.

    His entire opinion seems to be based on that one experience of his that he evidently didn’t get much out of.It’s ok, it’s alright and it happens sometimes, stop forcing yourself to not have sex. Explore it and enjoy it before you lose your ability to have sex at all … It’s a beautiful thing; not something to be scared of or be apprehensive about, and for the sake of humanity stop trying to be so butt hurt all the time.

    Yes, I understand you’ve had bad/unsatisfying sex once. GET OVER IT! I hope someone (or you could always give your hand a name) gives you a some sort of sexual release quickly before your head (the one on your shoulders) is lost to your arrogance and stupidity.

  2. Fuck. Insane. Dude your place is in the Himalayas. And your article doesn’t do justice to the title.

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