Dealing with a New Stepmother or Stepfather

This article is for those whose mom/dad are getting remarried, whose life is going to change a little bit because a new person is going to enter your life and your family as step-dad or step-mom. Dealing with step-parent and accepting her/him as a family member rather as mom or dad is quite difficult, but believe, it is not as difficult as you think.

It is very natural to feel that the person who is going to enter your family and your life is going to replace your mom or dad. And there lies the problem that results in the stretched and tensed relationships.

This problem that disturbs your life can be solved and you can again be as happy as you were. The key is to start thinking about the step-parent in a different way. Think about her/him as the person who is willing to please and make your parent happy. This change in the outlook will better the situation and the hope of having a great family life once again. Stop saying ‘she is not my mom’ or ‘he is not my dad’ to yourself. This will prevent you from yelling at your step-parent. Telling them that she/he is not your mom/dad doesn’t serve any purpose as they already know this. Instead, consider them as your friend and accept them as a person who loves your mom/dad.

It is observed that younger children or kids tend to refuse a new person as their mom/dad, which is quite understandable. More of anger and sadness is due to the ideas of one of their parents not being there for them. If you really want to have a sound family atmosphere, changing your tendency to repel the new stepparent will be helpful for sure.

If you are a little kid, do you really think that this person is marrying your mom/dad to make you unhappy? ‘No’ is the answer! Your stepparent is certainly not marrying your mom/dad to worsen your life.

If you are a high school student or college student, try to consider them as your friend or a person who is willing to love your parent and you as well. Do not think that they are a threat to the relationship between you and your parent. Think about the feelings of your mom/dad, think about the stress they must be undergoing when they see their kids fighting with the one they are willing to share their life. If you are not on good terms with your stepparent, remember the old saying, ‘it takes two to tango!’ So, think about what you can do to better your relation with your stepparent which will ultimately make your mom/dad happy!

Here is also an advice for parents. Try to gel with the kids, plan dinners together with the family before getting married. Introduce your future life partner to them and try to discuss or let them know what you will be expecting from them and vise-versa.

If you are a going to be a stepmom or stepdad, the best way to get closer to the kids is trying to be their friend. Try to really know them without pushing yourself too much into their lives. Your relationship with the family members will develop but it will take time for everyone to get comfortable with it. Don’t push too much, don’t repel too much, you have time and let others have their own to get into the relationship. Remember, knowing the role and not crossing the line is essential for any relationship to be healthy.

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