The Day James Bond Met Batman & Robin

batman vs bond

James Bond looked into the clear grey eyes of the woman who had directed his destiny for 12 years since Bond had entered the double-O section. “M” stared past Bond going through the familiar routine of applying lip balm to her puckered chapped lips. Looking blankly out the window of England’s famous Whitehall, the old lady spoke to him.

“There has been a considerable drain of oral antiseptic from the local prescription dealers here and the Minister of Health has asked us to look into It.” said “M.” The eyes stared with greater concentration as “M” asked. “Do you know anything about oral antiseptics, 007?”

Bond spoke carefully. “Only what I’ve read in the papers, mum.” He smoothed back the comma of hair and quizzically asked. “What are you staring at mum?”

“M” looked at the middle-aged secret agent with the hard black brown eyes and spoke. “There’s a new bunny club across the way.” She changed faces, putting the old one in the drawer, and then said to Bond, “Make sure you stop by Q branch and pick up the instant net that “Q” has designed. I think you will find it handy. It springs from what looks like an average flame thrower to a spread of 20 square feet. It is also easily concealed.”

The jet sped over the blue Pacific from England. Bond thought something was amiss, but shrugged it off, thinking that it was just the new assignment that was making him nervous. After reaching Gotham City Bond settled into the Sheraton Hotel located near the Empire State Building.

He ordered a bottle of Polish vodka, glasses and ice. After an hour had passed Bond was sipping the drink and reading a copy of “Spy.” Suddenly a great light appeared in the sky with the form of a bat outlined in it.

Bond went out on his balcony and before he knew what was happening there was a sudden whooooosh below him. Something flew through the air; before Bond could move a large form in the shape of a bat had appeared not 20 feet in front of him.

The object spoke. “Alright 007 don’t move.” A bat gun waved threateningly toward the indentation that was the secret agent’s navel. Once again the terrible voice spoke. “You have come to discover what has been happening to your oral antiseptic supply, but before you can act I’m going to destroy you, 007.”

Bond mentally kicked himself. Of course! Why hadn’t he thought of it before? The Batman had stolen the OA. It was so obvious, he thought. Everyone, even a child, could have guessed, simply because only this man who stood before him could have Bat-breath.

If there was only some way lie could get word to “M,” even if it meant death. Just then a figure moved behind the Batman and the ugly body was off balance. Bond grabbed the net thrower, but before he could release the gun, the figure tumbled over the side of the building to its death. What had happened?

A young man with a great big “R” glued to his chest stepped from the shadows. Bond searched his memory. Of course, it’s the boy wonder. “Why did you do it, boy wonder?” asked Bond.

Robin looked toward the man whose cruel mouth had turned into a smile and said, “It just wasn’t any good anymore. I had to do it, James. I couldn’t let him kill you. Jumpin’ fish nets, what else could I do?”

Bond took the boy’s hand and said with authority, “Thanks.”

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