I am gay. But I am not gay.
Confused? The first ‘gay’ means exactly what you are thinking. A homosexual. The second ‘gay’ is meant to be a synonym for happiness.
I can’t introduce myself to you. Because I am afraid that if I do so then my classmates, teachers or my parents might see it. This is my life, full of fear. Fear to express myself. Fear to open up with anyone I know.
I live in Manipal and I am a second year student. This is the most that I can tell you. Now you must be thinking that why I am writing this? Well there is no point.
I read many articles on ManipalBlog.com and I thought of writing one myself. Even though I am just another ‘anonymous’ to you, I am glad that you are reading these words. Because these words are not made up to survive in a socially crippled world, these are unadulterated.
I always knew that I liked boys more than girls when I was a teenager. I had sexual fantasies that had men in it. But I never accepted that fact till I reached high school. By then, I knew that I am different from others. Different from what you might think as ‘normal’.
I never had a boyfriend till date. I never had the courage to express my true feelings for him. I once tried to discuss homosexuality with him. But I got my answer the moment he expressed his views.
I do not know what is going to happen in the future. I might move to a country that is more understanding towards the gay community. I might. That is my only hope at this moment.
Before I finish, I just want you to convey a message: If a friend ever wants to open up with you and discuss about his/her homosexuality, please do not shun him/her. Because your reaction could change his/her life. And trust me, being gay means that I am a homosexual. Being gay does not mean that I am a bad person.
I hope that you will think about this. Thanks for reading