I can’t breathe. My palms are sweaty, my legs have given up, my head hurts, my eyes water and my heart wants to escape its confines… just like I do. But, I have nowhere to go.
Disillusionment was never something I’d thought I’d ever go through. I’d always believed we had a purpose. That helping people was a wonderful thing to do. That if one just did what they were supposed to, they would be rewarded.
That we did have the power to change the world, or at the very least, mould our own worlds.
I’ve broken. There isn’t even a minute part of me that still believes any of it anymore. I want to believe in myself, in the path I’ve chosen, in the system. I want to believe that we have the power to make ourselves happy and that the system we humans ourselves have created is fair and just and helpful to all.
All I believe anymore is that anyone who still thinks so is simply deceiving themselves.
I need to break out. My nails dig into my pillow as I lie here typing this. Free, yet chained. I need to escape this society so full of shit, the tangles of the bureaucracy made to slow us down, the pressure even Atlas wouldn’t trade in for. I want to fade away, to escape, escape into the breeze that rustles the leaves, that ripples the water, the reflection of the moon getting perfectly distorted as the stars shine on leaving you wanting nothing more than to be star dust.
Beautiful and everywhere.
About the Author: The author is a student at KMC, Mangaluru. She wishes to remain anonymous.