There are some days were you just sit and wonder where it all went wrong. You try to put your hand on a specific day or on something that you might have done which lead to you being in this place today. But, it simply is not that easy.
You go back, in a vain attempt to figure it out. It is then that you realize things were never right to begin with. It was all messed up. It has always been. It will always be so; and the best part? We can’t do anything about it.
Let me go a couple of memories back. I’ll start from the point where Manipal came into my life.
The change from school life to college life was a big one. It took time to adapt to college life. It took time to realize that I wasn’t living in a protective bubble, created by my parents, anymore. I was out there, on my own. It was time to live my life and take my own decisions, the repercussions of which would be entirely borne by me, as I now realize.
My first year went by and I saw a whole new world. Friends, real friends, were hard to find. The closeness of friendship was defined by the extent to which a person needed the other. After the first year, the ones who stuck to me were the ones I can actually call my friends, some of them, at least. It was a bit better now. I was getting used to college life.
Soon, my 2nd year started – New class, new people and new “friends” – basically, a new social circle. The first year friends were further filtered out, as everyone became busy making new friends, some at the cost of old ones. It was then that I realized that I have to stop caring. This is all a part of life and that is exactly what I should see it as – Just a phase with experiences that help me grow into a mature person. Not easy, but still, I managed, somehow.
Now that my 3rd semester is about to get over, when I look around, I don’t see too many people around me whom I can call my friends. Some are there, but not as many as I had expected. As I am again going through a big change in my life, when I look around, I see I don’t really have anyone to talk to.
Some became busy in their lives; for some, I became busy; for some, misunderstandings came in between. If I set out to find reasons (or excuses, the same thing), I am pretty sure I can find a couple, but that is not what this is about. So, basically, whatever may have happened, today if I want to go for a walk to clear my head, there is nobody to walk along with me. I never would have imagined that it would come to this. However, it has.
Thinking about all of this, trying to think where I went wrong, I see that all of this is futile. It doesn’t really matter what I did or did not do. There is no point going down the road of what-ifs. What has happened has already happened. Not much I can do about that. Maybe, I went wrong somewhere along the path but hell, that’s what we are supposed to do. We make mistakes, some hurt us, some don’t but in the end, we learn and that’s what it is all about.
I guess if people really wanted to be by my side, they would have been there, as simple as that. Maybe it’s my fault, maybe it’s there’s but then again, that’s not what this is about.
In the end, there are going to be sunny days and there are, sure as hell, going to be rainy days. People will always be around in the sunny days. The few people, who are around in our rainy days, are the ones we can call our friends.
Like it or not, this is what is, and what it is, is the course of life.
About the Author: Aabhas Bhatnagar is in his 2nd year, pursuing (or at least trying to) Instrumentation and Control Engineering at MIT, Manipal. Apart from being a voracious reader, he also likes to play lawn tennis. He tries his hand at writing every now and then, the results of which aren’t half that bad, even though he won’t ever agree that he can write. Being the food junkie that he is, he can never have enough to eat and from what his friends say about him, he is one crazy guy, always trying to pull pranks on others. You can go check out his blog, if you want to, that is, after reading all of that.