Dhoom 3: A Tale of Three Bikes

It isn’t every day we see a movie on bikes. It’s usually about the dope that rides it. Once upon a time in Mumbai, there were two awesome and good bikes. They were best friends and always rode together. One day, they heard about a bad bike in Chicago and had to go there to stop him. This is a movie on these three bikes, their endeavors and adventures, and the Indian guys riding them (that are forced to tag along).

Honestly. That’s the whole story. That and the one awesome song Katrina does total justice to.

Aamir Khan. The main man of the evening. A man revered and held in awe by a nation that was impressed beyond words for his works of pure art, delight and wonder in the past, meets his downfall. What looks to be a desperate attempt at getting Rajnikanth status was nothing short of an epic fail.

Abhishek Bachan is India’s Hulk, as it would appear. It seems he intends to Smash Mumbai to the ground, one wall at a time. He is however, stumped, when tied by pencil-thick rope to the tracks of a roller coaster. How will the Incredible beast escape?

Uday Chopra. His role in this series, which began with his unquestioned, unsurpassable knowledge of Super-Bike related know-how and general comic relief, is now utterly redundant. Not only because the role of the punch line is satisfied by Aamir Khan (with his more than awe-inspiring “Stunts”) but also the fact that his role could’ve been thoroughly satisfied by a pocket knife and a copy of “Chicken Soup For The Soul”.

Katrina Kaif. Her part is all that most people will remember and applaud. And although it lasts a mere few minutes in front of the countless hours this movie seems to take, it does not fail to leave its mark. Take it from the guy that’s hated her since her entry into the industry- she’s totally hot in this movie. Can’t put it any simpler than that. Sadly, that’s the only role she serves in this production.

Coupled with back stories that take up a lot more time than required (you end up seeing everything twice, so don’t hesitate to take that bathroom break you’ve been putting off- you’ve earned it), and graphics that would put any 3 year old to shame (only the 3 year olds mind you) this film tires all sense of patience and tolerance in the most pious of men. The only graphics real enough to pass a remark or two on is the audience that gives Aamir Khan a standing ovation for his performance. That HAD to be fake.

With a tap-dancing munchkin of a magician working in a circus that robs banks to “kill” said bank, and a hot bimbo by his side (who doesn’t have a clue the entire time), Dhoom 3 takes you for a fast paced movie that has more slow-mo cut scenes than Mughal-E-Azam on a good day. With far-fetched “action” scenes that make for an unholy amalgamation between Tollywood and Hindi movies, Dhoom 3 takes Indian cinema to another level never yet, and hopefully never again, to be ventured. And yeah, the bikes have more modifications and gadgetry in them than all the fourty-odd suits Tony Stark made in Iron-Man 3. Just wanted to put that out there.

And that’s the bottom line.

Dhoom 3 Inset

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