10 easy getaways from a relationship

Are you in a relationship you wish you weren’t in? Don’t quite know how to get out of it without really hurting the person’s feelings? Help is at hand. Enjoy single-hood by getting rid of your bf/gf with these 10 easy ways. Ready?

1. On a lunch/dinner date, ALWAYS speak with your mouth full of food (Extra effective with gooey items like chocolate or cake).

2. Flirt with every friend of your partner you meet, irrespective of gender.

3. Make bodily noises at every conceivable occasion with your partner around.

4. Check out and admire every member of the opposite sex when out on a date. When they protest, say “What? I’m just looking. Looking at beautiful things never hurts”.

5. Call them 150 times a day. Mostly just to say “Hi”.

6. Talk dirty. And by dirty, we mean not taking a bath or brushing your teeth. hygiene is not a priority.

7. Interrupt their conversations with random words and sentences like “Bloop” , “Shibby Nooby” and “I once saw a turtle. It was green”.

8. Every time they like something (A movie, a book, a person) – your standard response should be “Meh. This totally sucks”.

9. Reveal all embarrassing details you know about them on Facebook. When questioned, act innocent and say “So, you DIDN’T want anybody to know about that!”

10. Uhhh..[v] don’t know. Push them or something.

So, there you go. If your partner still sticks with you after you have followed the above steps, then well (a) Stick with them. They have seen you at the worst and still chosen to be with you, so probably not a bad idea to give the relationship a shot or (b) End it yourself. Tell them you want to live a life of solitude in the rain forests of Amazon.

If you have any bloody cool ideas on how to end a relationship that’s going nowhere, please do share them in the comments section. Also, do a public service and share this article with all the trapped souls you know.

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