The one that got away is the most difficult to forget, most difficult to let go off. And the reason is very simple – he or she got away. It’s like a case of a child and toy: the child is fascinated the most with the toy he or she doesn’t have, or couldn’t have, or worst yet, once had but not anymore; suddenly the liking for that toy is now more than ever, more than anything else there ever was. Given is a very small analogy, but, regardless, a fitting one.
The strong feelings that surface from a premature break-up, range from profound infatuation to more-than-ever admiration to border-line obsession. In high-school and college, these feeling might be very happening, but in “real”, adult life they are not very pleasant and prevalent. But present nonetheless. The major difference between the battles of heart while in college-life and that of during adult-life is the presence of a spouse. In simple terms it means: the one that got away is now married. And a marriage in the equation changes everything. For starters, it tells us to back-off from having any wired thoughts. Ideal case scenario: to forget the whole thing.
But forgetting is not easy. And marriage is a real motherf@*ker: It seals, against you, any possibility of getting-back-together or “giving it another chance”. The new-found fixation only making it worse. It’s hell. But all is not lost–you still have you (I know this sound like a third-class, dime-bag, spiritual guru, but, it is true). You only have you. You continue to exist, right? And though the option of re-kindling the flame is down the toilet, the option of letting-go and being happy is with you. The process of detachment is long and difficult, and telling yourself whatever that makes you happy helps, viz., “I was perfect for her/him”, “He will never find someone like me”, and the like. But once that is done, what helps the most is moving the f@*k on. You don’t need to be God to understand that that’s the right thing to do.
And contrary to what the heart constantly yells, there are count-less ways to forget everything and move on. Yes, it was a loss. Accept it. Yes, things didn’t work out the way you wanted them to. Regret it. And once the dust settles down–and it will–repeat what is always repeated by King Juline: “I like to Move it, Move it…” It helps… a lot.
My grandma always says: “Knowing that something is wrong and that it needs works means happiness is nearby.”
Coming back to the heart. The crazy, unforgetful heart. When forgetting someone gets tough, and residual feelings don’t resolve, asking yourself a few simple questions like the ones given below not only help in dumping all the baggage about the ex, but also help in refraining yourself from being stupid and miserable about the heavy baggage.
Questions such as:
Is it fair for the new, innocent person s/he is now married to?
At no fault, will that innocent soul suffer if I continue with my quest for validation?
Also, and most importantly, telling yourself that Karma is a bi!(h and that if my actions make others go through discomfort, tomorrow it will come and bite my marital bliss in the ass.
And if all else fails to help take a higher stand, this para-phrased age-old saying: “Thank God it didn’t work out. Maybe there wasn’t enough love in it, there wasn’t enough fuel to let the fire shine on through. Thank God it didn’t work out and early on I got out. Maybe there wasn’t enough love in it, there wasn’t enough fuel to let the fire shine on through. I couldn’t have survived in a life void of love anyway. What a dark life it would have been.”
About the Author: Dhaval Kolhapure is an alumnus of the Welcomgroup Graduate School of Hotel Administration. He Blogs at Nomadic Peeps.