Rats Cause Cancer; No Tomorrow; Pigeons

No Tomorrow28XL29
Team ManipalBlog Edit: ManipalBlog.com does not in any way take any responsibility for the following writing. The writer is an extremely deranged person, especially after the long nights he puts in following the birth of his first baby and we only let him hang around because we are afraid of what he might do to us, if we don’t let him stay.

My initial observation this week, when discussing the topic of life, is that the condition does not actually exist. Realize the following: Tomorrow never comes. I will demonstrate the preceding statement through three lines of analysis.

Initially, when the thought of tomorrow creeps upon me, I find that I must take a deep breath and count to ten. Then I demonstrate to my own satisfaction that tomorrow can never come by staying up past midnight.

After this feat has been performed I have technically crossed within the bounds of “Tomorrow.” Then if I go to sleep and wake up the same day, tomorrow could not have come because I would have had to fall asleep yesterday for tomorrow to come.

But realize my second line of analysis. Futurist experts have determined that tomorrow does not exist. Since tomorrow obviously exists in the future if it exists at all, and the futurists state that tomorrow does not exist, tomorrow does not exist.

But lastly realize my third line of analysis. That is, that, if I say tomorrow does not exist, it does not exist because I am the writer and am in control of the article.

Moving on to a different topic, did you know that if you have arthritic goldfish they are prone to cancer? But even more interesting is the study done on white rats by the National Academy of Sciences. This involved giving inordinate doses of almost every substance in the world to rats.

Rats were given massive doses of Der Wienerschnitzel Hot Dogs, Budweiser, and Nature Valley Granola. Every single rat developed terminal cancer of the stomach. After another 12 years of study on the results of the tests, it was determined that rats are the cause of cancer.

I have just been told by one of the more insane people in the classroom of the luxurious KMC Mangalore, Pharmacology department that we have a hole in the roof of the building and that I am soaking wet. I have yet to recognize the state of wet, mainly because this is a form of the Chinese Water Torture and I refuse to believe that the enemy does not subscribe to the Geneva Convention which they did sign when they declared war.

Remember, it is better to have drunk and had a hangover than have a migraine; at least with the hangover you have some revelry to recollect.

Never take the trouble to feed pigeons. That only gives them more reason to do to you what you dread that they will do to you. Be careful not to fall into the ways of the rich. They will stick to your face and hair. Above all, when you think malfunctions, think of the …

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