Being a “good girl” is not anymore the way to succeed. I once saw in Spain a holidaymaker with a T-shirt that said: “Good girls go to heaven… bad girls have fun” I think, there is no discussion, between the two options I do prefer to have fun!
Every day we encounter rules. There is a proper way to behave at work, an appropriate way to dress to go to your grandmother’s house. There is an accepted way of acting when you go out with your friends. There are set rules to follow if you go to the theatre, a way to act if you go out with your husband. There is even a certain way you should behave if you are a mom. Rules, rules, and more rules… It doesn’t matter what we do; we always have to follow the rules.
But following the rules is following some else’s way of living. It is not yourself. Following rules, you become a slave of the rule-setter. No easier example of this than fashion. “Fashion victims” are always trying to follow The Fashion, and in doing so, they never achieve the place of fashion setters. Look at Madonna, or Victoria Beckham, so many people trying to copy their hairstyle, the clothes they wear, even the way they pose! And in doing so, the fashion followers deny themselves. They are accepting that they want to be like someone else rather than to be themselves. In a way, they are saying that they are not good enough unless they look like someone else!
When I say how to be brilliantly disruptive, I do not mean disruptive in the sense of being weird, cheeky, or impolite. What I mean by brilliantly disruptive is BE YOURSELF. Do not be a follower, be yourself.
The world remembers women who were innovative. Women who dared to be themselves despite their limitations. I mean, history remembers Joan of Arc, a young girl who believed in herself and the power that she had. Whether she was really special or not, that is another matter. Joan believed herself unique, and she transmitted that to the people around her who did not doubt in following a young girl into the battlefield.
The key to success is transgressing the rules. Not following some else’s rules like a sheep. Make your own rules instead. How? Start with small things. To change the rules you do not need to go on a crusade changing your life and the life of the ones around you. Instead, start with small changes and be faithful to yourself. Other people have invented rules to control us. Rules control behaviour. But as well as bad behaviour, rules control also good behaviour. Rules stop us from being ourselves, from achieving happiness.
Why did my grandmother stay married to an abusive husband for more than 15 years? Because she was following the rules. At her time, a decent woman could not divorce, so she had to stay married despite everything. If she had acted following her heart or even her commonsense, she would have divorced only a few months after getting married. But the rules set by the society at her time made of her a victim.
To be brilliantly disruptive, make your own rules, the rules of the game.
- Say NO. If you do not want to do something, do not accept just to please others. Put yourself first. This, by no means, is to be selfish. You are just asserting yourself. If you dread going to Christmas dinner at your mother’s in law every year, this year just say NO. I am not going and have your own Christmas dinner. Your husband might be upset at the start, but in the long term, you will have gained his respect for being able to stand up for yourself.
- Trust yourself. Trust your feelings.
- Do not fade into the shadows, make yourself noticeable and formidable. If people see that you cannot be intimidated… they will not try to intimidate you.
- Feel the right to be yourself, to take what you want, to want what you always dreamt.
Be disruptive, be yourself, do not play by other’s rules… Make your own.