Fifty Shades (less than that) Of What I think

50 shades of Grey. These words are all that take to make heads turn.

When the movie released in Indian theaters, many men who went to watch it came back disappointed, although the women seemed pretty happy. Curiosity got the better of me and I found myself watching it online.

After the first few scenes, I concluded that Christian Grey was a neat freak and Anastasia a simple, young, pretty and possibly intelligent person. I was starting to like the movie. Little did I know what was to follow.

Let’s look at the interview. I like the way Christian just stood there as if posing for Vogue magazine, intimidating an already terrified Anastasia. And not to forget the way he conveniently took the questionnaire from under Anastasia’s very nose without her knowing it. Or the way she’s surprised when he sent an email replying to all those questions. I don’t remember any mention of Anastasia being partially blind in the movie. But since I have not read the book, I am not sure.

"I can pose for 'Vogue' magazine. Be afriad. Be very afraid!"
“I can pose for ‘Vogue’ magazine. Be afraid. Be very afraid!”

Christian’s role in the scene where Anastasia got drunk is pretty admirable; protective and caring. And then, he brought the drunk Anastasia to his home and sans her permission, undressed and dressed her in clean clothes. Well, he is rich and handsome, so what he did wasn’t morally questionable after all.

Coming to the no-touching-before-signing-contract deal, and the contact as such. Let’s look at it from Christian’s point of view; you meet a girl at an interview, you shop from a store she works at, you save her from her drunk self and bring her to your place, and before you know it, you are asking her to sign a contract which basically allows you to torture her sexually.

Now from Anastasia’s point of view; you go to interview a famous person, help him when he shops from the store you work in, drunk dial him, a perfect stranger, and wake up in his house the next morning with a hangover. Before long, you find yourself actually contemplating about a contract which he wants you to sign, allowing him to basically torture you sexually.

And discussing the contract professionally, in the office, with all the required etiquette. Take a look at the meeting room. What’s with all the dark and shady feel? Conserving electricity taken to a whole new level. I mean, can you guys see, or were you born with ‘night vision’? Let’s just hope students don’t start asking for dark exam halls and night vision gadgets…

The Meeting Room.
The Meeting Room.

Nope, not at all weird, and totally believable. Strangers probably do this sort of thing all the time.

I did enjoy the scenes in which Anastasia researched about the contract and BDSM, and pulled Christian’s leg in between. But when Christian decided to invade Anastasia’s meeting with her mother, I was unpleasantly surprised. Stalking was not a quality I expected to see in him.

The rest of the movie didn’t make much sense to me. I mean, why couldn’t they kiss in the elevator like normal people? What was with all the deep breathing and the wistful looks after it? And no talking like normal people? So, was Christian aware that he was abnormal? Or did he want Anastasia to bray like the donkey she was going to be treated as?

The 'After-the-kiss' scene
The ‘After-the-kiss’ scene

Christian’s ‘playroom’ defined obsession. I honestly didn’t know whether to laugh or to stare during that scene. On one hand I knew that it contained things that existed in the real world of BDSM, and on the other, it looked like a curtain shop. One could say Anastasia’s facial expression in that scene reflected mine.

'Playroom' or curtain shop?
‘Playroom’ or curtain shop?

The scenes that followed left me disliking Christian. It was clear he liked her, and yet he refused to love her like any normal person would. He expressed both love and anger by torturing her with his ‘playthings’. This left not only Anastasia, but also me baffled. In the end, thankfully, Anastasia realised that their relationship would not work out and decided to leave. But I was infuriated at the way it ended abruptly, in that same elevator featured at the starting of the movie.

Overall, Fifty shades of Grey was a different experience and it convinced me to steer clear of BDSM.  A wide array of emotions were generated in my brain during the movie, although it was mostly confusion and frustration. If not for entertainment purposes, the movie can be used for medical purposes; to check if someone is brain-dead.

You could say this was me at the end of the movie
You could say this was me at the end of the movie

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