Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Does your course load have you bogged down? No time to cram and mend your broken heart? No worries! Mangaluru Blog has your guide to Speedy Healing 101!

Finals are rapidly approaching. Your Greek house’s philanthropy project is right around the corner, and you’re in charge of everything. To add fuel to the fire, your best friend just dropped the ultimate bomb — she’s transferring to another school. Then, just when you think you can’t handle any more pressure — bam! Just like that, you and your significant other decide to call it quits. This has got to be your most stressful semester ever. You have tests to study for, friends to hang out with, and charity events to plan, but you can’t seem to think of anything else but holing yourself up in your dorm room and eating a gallon Ben and Jerry’s. As much as you want to put your life on hold, but right now, your jam-packed calendar says otherwise. OK, now what?

You know you need to move on from the pain, but your gut-wrenching, thought-consuming heartache is making it impossible to do so. How do you mend a broken heart without letting all the other vital aspects of college life go down the drain? What about your grades? If you let your parents down, they’ll freak. (After all, they are spending their entire life savings to keep you in college!)

Mourning the end of the relationship is the first step. It may seem counterproductive (I mean, you’re trying to get beyond the hurt, not live in it), but it’s essential. Although initially, the pain may seem like it’s too much to bear, it’s essential to give yourself ample time to grieve. Often when people suffer a break-up, they do anything they can to avoid thinking of their ex. To keep both their mind and body occupied, some people throw themselves into a flurry of activities or end up spending countless hours zoned out in front of the tube. And let’s not forget about those who call on their good old friends Jack and Daniel to help them drown their sorrows.

When you break-up with someone you love, you suffer a significant loss. It’s not death in the physical aspect, but it’s the end of something. Losses of any kind are traumatic because they leave a noticeable void in our lives. But, by acknowledging that loss, you allow yourself time not only to process the situation but to also come to terms with all of our thoughts and emotions regarding it.

Don’t rush human nature! Everyone heals at his or her own pace. After a break-up, it may feel like your friends can put an “expiration date” on dealing with your issues. They might be kind and understanding today, but after the “cut-off date,” it’s as if they stop listening. In some ways, this is good because it forces you to attempt to move on, but in other ways, it can make you feel even more alone. You feel like a colossal failure for not being able to get past it sooner. Don’t beat yourself up! When those feelings set in, you have to make sure you cut yourself some slack. When you’re in a break-up war zone, you can be your own worst enemy. There’s no way to speed up the healing process, so in the meantime, remind yourself that you are doing the best you can.

Break-ups have a way of stripping you of your self-esteem and dignity. You begin to feel like you’re not good enough, and that if your ex doesn’t want you, no one else ever will. You couldn’t be more wrong! You were fantastic, functional, and confident before your ex entered your world, so why should anything be different now? Think about it: Your significant others didn’t make you valuable and worthy; you define your worth! You don’t need someone else to prop you up or make us feel complete. Why? Because, like it or not, you already are!

So now that you’ve faced your pain, and you’ve begun to remember just how remarkable your life was before Mr. or Ms. Wonderful entered the picture (cue the reminiscing: crazy nights out with friends, first dates, and time to actually — gasp — study!), you can use this time to come back into your own and nourish the great relationships you still have. (Don’t forget the gang!) What better excuse to party than to celebrate your emancipation?

Has your newly single status left you with space in your schedule? It’s time to reclaim your life. Treat yourself to dinner at your favorite eatery. Take a drive with friends. Do you like to dance? Take some classes! Have you been missing your weekly dosages of “Seth and Summer” love trauma? Start planning weekly O.C. viewings for you and all your friends — nothing heals a broken heart like watching cheesy (but oh-so-good!) dramas! Pass the time by doing the things you enjoy most. It’s your life, so make it all about you.

Participating in activities, you genuinely enjoy restores feelings of happiness and self-confidence. If you live your life to the fullest, the sadness will eventually fade, and you’ll be left with a life that is great because you made it. And, aside from just being able to appreciate and enjoy all the facets of college life again, you’ll also be bursting with confidence. Confidence attracts new dates, and before you know it, you’ll have to fend off hopeful admirers with a stick!

There’s no way around it, break-ups can be hard — but so are exams, dealing with pushy parents, and shady friends. That’s life, and the best road to recovery is to dive right into the pain. There’s light at the end of the tunnel, so keep your head up, and let him or her become a distant memory.

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