How to Succeed in becoming an Executive

Some people are creative, others are competent manual laborers, others are coordinators,manipulators, in other words Executives.

Training for the last classification comes not so much in school, as at school, from working in and on student activities.

“Executives are born, not made.”

Superficial personality is all important. Regardless of your basic character, first impressions are what count. Develop, if you can, a permanent S.E.G. (shit-eating grin for the uninitiated), a firm handshake, a confident spring in your step, and a distinctive name (if your name is not distinctive, change it!). Managerial prowess requires little academic training since success in this field depends on these personality traits and such inborn characteristics as cunning, daring, amorality, greed, and inherited wealth. The true Executive enjoys nothing more than utilizing these attributes in the practice of his chosen profession.

For the purpose of illustration, I would like to run some of my own successes up the flagpole and see who fires on them.

“Diversification is the key to success”

When you go to college, get a job, preferably one which requires a minimal amount of actual work. When promoting a product of questionable merit, it is necessary to have the support and complicity of all employees intimately connected with the production or distribution of the product — so by all means, choose an organization with such strong “in-group” attitudes.

Being a naturally enthusiastic type, the latent manager can quickly claw his way to the top of the heap by ingratiating himself with the existing managerial elite. Once an executive, the fun begins. This position offers one the dedicated services of the epsilon semi-morons and devotion can be assured, ironically, by giving them more work to do, gratis, “for the Organization”. This gives them a gratifying sense of belonging, and keeps them out of trouble.

This position also gives one the opportunity to associate with the school administration who are understandably appreciative of the superfluous work which one induced one’s underling’s to do. Furthermore, mere holding of this job can aid one’s political career by helping create the “poor boy” image, while one’s managerial status assures that such will never be the case. You will of course go into Student Government.

If one’s personality is basically repulsive, as is usually the case, one must rely on appointments or positions elected by a small number of one’s friends, then rise through the ranks of the bureaucracy until one is high enough to run for kingpin on a platform of “responsibility”.

Steal Ideas,
Promise Certainties.
Call Administration Personnel by their First Names.
Cheat.
You’ll win.

Once in power, remember, this glory is transitory. You will have acquired a hardcore of loyal mole-like supporters who are indebted to you for their jobs. Leave the coolie work to them. Spend your time dealing with “wheels”. See if you can get some sort of permanent, enduring memorial to yourself. This will come in handy in later years when someone asks, “Who was he?”

Having attained at least these two positions, your prospects are limited only by the number of enemies you have acquired. This invaluable experience will look good when trying to get a job without any other qualifications …