10 Reasons to Break Up

A look at the main reasons relationships fail, and how to identify when it's time to say goodbye.

All good things must come to an end, or so they say. But do most of us even know when to call it a day? Most of us are ultimately looking for that ultimate life-long relationship with our true love, soul-mate, whatever so why do we stick it out in relationships that clearly have to promise to deliver that ideal for us?

The worst thing most people do is avoid breaking-up to spare the feelings of the other. Several things are wrong with this approach. First, if you respect the other person enough to want to spare their feelings, you should also respect them enough to be honest. Second, it usually has more to do with not wanting to feel guilty than actually sparing their feelings and you should ever feel guilty about doing what is best for you. Third, you don’t do them any favours by sticking it out when you know it’s going to end. You both need an opportunity to grieve the relationship, mend and move on to find respective relationships that are healthy for both of you.

So when is enough enough? Here are ten signs to watch for and, if you are experiencing them on a regular basis; it may be time to make a decision.

  1. You no longer feel good about yourself.

    When relationships start out, the excitement along keeps us primed and feeling great, but did that feeling last or fade as the weeks, months, years went on?

  2. Your friends no longer hang around.

    Friends are unbelievably insightful and will invariably be the first indicators that they don’t like your relationship. It may be that they just don’t like your partner or it may be that they don’t like the effect he or she has on you.

  3. You are always trying to include others.

    Obviously you need to spend time with other people, but constantly looking for ways to bring them into your activities is a good sign that you do not wish to spend time alone with your partner.

  4. Reconnecting with the exes.

    This is a good indicator that you are looking for some validation that you are not getting from your present partner. Unless you have some bizarre relationship, most exes cease to connect on emotional levels.

  5. You give, give, give or take, take, take.

    All relationships must, by necessity, provide mutual benefit. It does not mean absolute equality but if you find that you are no longer deriving any benefit from the relationship, move on.

  6. You don’t find your partner funny anymore.

    A compatible sense of humour is usually one of the greatest assets of any relationship. Once you starting finding your partner’s humour to be annoying rather than stimulating, soon you simply find your partner to be annoying.

  7. You don’t find your partner attractive.

    This might seem obvious but, the truth is, people in love usually find the object of their affection to be attractive. If you once could but can no longer see beyond physical imperfections, you may be faced with a troubled union.

  8. You try to change them.

    Many people fall for people who excite them on a base level but find that their excitement dwindles in the long term. The very reasons we fall for someone can be the very reasons we grow to dislike them.

  9. You compare your partners to others.

    If you are always measuring your partner up against other people, you should probably stop and measure your relationship. Everyone has attractive and unattractive aspects and a good relationship evolves in spite of them not because of them.

  10. You no longer want to spend time with your partner.

    Even if your sex life is still healthy, once you find yourself no longer wanting to see or talk to your partner outside the bedroom, every time you do will feel like a burden and you will resent your partner in short course.

I don’t want you to take this list as the end-all, be-all or think that because some of these things have happened that you should run out and dump your partner. I simply want you to be cognizant of the main reasons relationships fail so you can better identify when the end is near.

About ManipalMonk 105 Articles
The ways of the monk are turbid and often give you a solid headache but devotion and commitment is the first step to enlightenment ( also known as stick to your poison ). To share your enlightenment with the monk, write to him at manipal.monk@manipalblog.com