Every now and then we learn of some relative or friend wanting a divorce after 10 or 25 or 30 years of marriage. The question is usually, What has gone wrong after all these years? The answer to such a question is not as easy as it may seem; and it is most probable a number of reasons for the break down. As we seek to find answers one may discover a common denominator running through most, if not all, of these break-ups. That denominator is usually the failure to develop the friendship level of their relationship.
Many marriages are held together because of the children. It is for the childrens sake the marriage keeps going! Or so it is believed.
When the children have grown up and leave home for one reason or another, the parents are left with the syndrome of the empty nest ! They are then faced with the situation where they hardly know each other after many years of being together.
It is a great tragedy, but it is a very real problem many couples face after 25 years of marriage. The question is, what can be done to avoid such an unnecessary tragedy?
The relationship between husband and wife should first and foremost be built on friendship. Too many marriages are built on things of lesser importance; such as sex, money, social mobility etc., and the friendship part of the marriage is either left out altogether or taken for granted. When a marriage is built on friendship, the other necessary things that go into a good and healthy marriage will usually fall into place.
It is important for a husband and wife to take time to be together. To allow business or even the children to form an excuse for such neglect is not good, and can be tragic. Our partner should be our best friend. If friendship is not one of the foundation stones in marriage, it is quite probable that the relationship will not last very long. Unless the couple develops a lasting friendship it will only be a matter of time before the marriage falls apart.
Love is not a feeling. The fallacy that we can fall in love and fall out of love without accepting responsibility for our falling is absurd. Love has to do with our will. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
It is not a matter of loving your wife if it pleases you to do so; or that she cooks well. It is the duty and responsibility of every husband to love his wife, and the wife her husband, because this is right. The truth is we can learn to love.
In Indian culture where parents arrange the marriage of their children, the couple is expected to love one another after their wedding; and in most cases they learn to do so. Friendship should be one of the foundation stones in marriage.
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