I think Facebook has a mission statement, a secret one, which states,
“Ensure that the privacy of each Facebook member is unsecured. Do everything under your control to violate their privacy”.
Since I became privy to this information, I am very worried about my privacy. I have 276,000 friends and I want to make sure that each and every detail of my life, day-to-day events, my likes and dis-likes are only known to 276000 people. But since Facebook is out there to make sure that my life is made known to more than 276000 people, I want each one of you 276000 people to do something for me.
With your left hand, hold your mouse and while holding still, raise your right hand middle finger and show it to the Bihar government. After that pull the middle finger down (I know it is difficult but you have to do it protect my privacy) and rest it on the mouse. Note that now you are holding the mouse with both your hands. Now maneuver the mouse so that the curser who is hanging in the room with you starts cursing with great ferocity.
In this noisy mayhem, move the mouse till the cursor, hovers over my face. Note that I do not need to be in the room. I am talking about my photograph in your browser which has opened the Facebook page. When you hover over the face, a pop-up, which is very different from a Popsicle, would appear on the screen.
Then you do the following in the exact sequence – click on FB, then click on Mark Zuckerberg and then click on I do not like ‘unprivacy’ and then click on I want my friend to be private and then click on why am I doing it and then click on OK, I will do it and finally you will reach a tick box.
Note that while doing this, if you have removed both your hands from the mouse, you will have to call the pest control people and ask them to control the mouse in your house. If you successfully reach the tick box, get up from your seat, sing the international anthem, salute and untick the box.
After that tell me you are DONE.
I will be very grateful.
About the Author: Ashwini Mathur is a resident of Hyderabad. In the past he has worked at GSK Pharmaceuticals as a Senior General Manager and at Novartis after that. He has a Master’s degree in Mathematics from IIT Delhi, a PhD in bio-statistics from University and College Berkeley, California and an executive MBA from IIM Bangalore.