MacDeath: The new avatar of Macbeth

[This is the first time this version of MACBETH is coming out in public…

With malice to none!!!

hope u all  like it!!!]

 

Special thanks to Sadia Husain(Cheif Editor).

                       

                                  ACT I

scene I. fb chatbox.

 

First Witch.  when shall we  meet agin

In thunder, lightning or in rain?

 

Second Witch. When the hurlyburly’s done,

when d battle’s lost and won.

 

Third Witch. that will b ere the set of sun.

 

First Witch. where the place?

 

Second Witch. Upon the pub.

 

Third Witch. There to meet with our boyfriends/girlfriends/both.

 

First Witch. I won’t cum, Graymalkin.

 

Second Witch. let the Paddock call.

 

Third Witch. Whatever!!!

 

ALL. FAIR IS FOUL, AND FOUL IS FAIR:

WHOEVER CALLS WE DON’T CARE.

[graymalkin, paddock and anon annoyed on the change of script]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                Scene II. A camp near Forres.

Alarum within. Enter Duncan, Malcolm, Donalbain, Lennox, with Attendants, meeting a bleeding Sergeant.

 

Duncan. what a bloody man is that! he can report, as seemeth by his plight, of d revolt.

the newest state.

 

Malcolm. this is d sergeant,

who lyk a gud and hardy soldier, fought

Gainst my captivity. Hail! brave friend !

say to the king the knowledge of the broil

as thou didst leave it.

 

Sergeant. First of all Ducan, mind your language. Bloody be your sons.

Doubtful it stood. As the enemy bribed me of money i did not attend d war.

As the multiplying pegs of whiskey do swarm upon me, i slept in d nullah of old Dunsinan Hill.

Old monk was talking talking, Johny Walker was walking walking,

suddenly like d valor’s minion, Macdeath carved out his passage

Till he faced the slave:

who tried to bribe the valiant Macdeath who was filled with the urge of bloody execution

Don’t know from where came a hand pump in midst the battlefield and just like

Sunny paaji he pulled out the murder weapon and said “marte waqt tujhe paani b naseeb na ho traitor :p”

he unseame’d him from nave to chaps,

And fixed his head upon the battlement….

 

 

Scene III. A Heath.

 Thunder. the 3 Witches enter.

First Witch. Where has thou been sister?

Second witch.  The Flintstones Multiplex…To watch Harry Potter.

Third Witch. Sister, where thou?

First Witch. A moti aunty had Brown’s greenhouse pizza in her lap,

And munched and munched and munched. Give me, quoth I;

Aroint thee, witch: the obese aunt cried.

Her husband’s to Gomtinagar gone, master o’ the Taj.

But in a sieve I’ll thither sail,

And like a chef without a complain,

I’ll cook, I’ll cook, I’ll cook.

 

 

Second Witch. I’ll give thee mozerella.

First With. Pizza base bhi dena :@

Third Witch. And I topping.

First Witch. I myself have all the other.

 

 

[to avoid any discrepancies…i did not write  the recipe of Pizza. if u want, please refer Dear Google ji or Rajnikant Bhojanalya…and always remember…Namak: Swad Anusar :p :p :p 😀 ]

 

 

All.  THE WEIRD SISTERS, HAND IN HAND,

POSTERS OF THE SEA AND LAND,

THUS DO GO ABOUT, ABOUT:

THRICE TO THINE, AND THRICE TO MINE,

AND THRICE AGAIN, TO MAKE UP NINE.

PEACE! THE CHARM’S WOUND UP.

 

 

Third Witch. A drum, a drum!

MacDeath doth come.

 

 

[enter MacDeath & Banquo]

 

 

MacDeath. So mast and jhakas a day I have not seen. Banquo??

Oye Banquo…you der?

[Banquo  busy on his i-pod 4G ]

Banquo.Yo…wazzup?!!!

MacDeath. What are these

So withered and wild in their attire?

Banquo. ummmmmmmm…lemme guess….lemme guess…aha…the mango trees.

MacDeath. Speak, if u can: what are you?

Mango tree. Sorry we can’t…actually trees don’t!!!

MacDeath. moron tree, someone’s hiding behind you.

Mango tree. oh..they are the three witches?

MacDeath. How many?

Mango tree. threeeeeeee…1,2,3

MacDeath. 1 Benedryl hume de de khansi se araam

2 benedryl hume de jhukam se araam

3 benedryl hume de gale ki kharaash se araaaaam

Witches[with disgust]. Ho gaya??? :/

MacDeath. Okay…now speak.

 

 

First Witch. All hail, MacDeath! hail to thee, thane of Glamis!

Second Witch. All hail, MacDeath! hail to thee, thane of Cawdor!

Third Witch. All hail, MacDeath! that shalt be the king hereafter!!

 

MacDeath. 😮 :0.

[dancing] Apni pode pode pode

Apni to re nikal padi

Apni pode pode pode

Apni to re nikal padi

Banqou…suna kuchh???

 

Banquo. hmmmmmmmm

MacDeath. Jealous mt ho bhai :p :p :p 😉

Banquo. Youuu MacDeath.

MacDeath. What??? han wat???

Banquo. bhag bhag d.k. bose d.k. bose d.k. bose

bhag bhag d.k. bose d.k. bhaag

 

 

 

Act 2

Scene 1.  Somewhere.(who cares)

 

McD. After murdering Sinel, I am the thane of Glamis but how of Cawdor?

Thane of cawdor messaged me last night only and asked to call back….

Say from whence u owe me this strange intelligence or why upon this blasted heath u stop our way witches?

 

Witches. As the joker said and we quote, “why so serious???” we are only here to add mirchi masala to play dude!!!! Its on u now…believe us or not!

 

mcD. K k…we’ll see….banquo we are to reach home

lady mcD msgd me saying gajar ka halwa is ready and art we late, Fleance doth eat all.

 

Banquo. Worthy cousin…lets rush homeward

 

mcD’s cell rings showing one new msg.

 

[aside ]mcD. What do I read!!! I am the thane of cawdor now!!! Yippiiii…

Two have come and the biggest one is to follow

Van the devil speak truth?…maybe!….or maybe I am drunk!

 

Banquo. U angered  king.  Art you not in thy senses that u speak to thyself for long times? Dares’t not to say a soliloquy yet.

Those instruments of darkness, tell us truths, win us with honest trifles, o betray us in deepest consequences.

 

mcD. Ooohooo! Umm hmmm!

Dear banquo, thou face shows what thou tongue speaks not.

My friend u are jealous, to  not be the king

 

Banquo. But I’ll be the father of the kingSSSSS

 

mcD. I’ll kill thee. Thou shall possess no sons and so not be the kingly father

 

Banquo. But fleance shall live yet

 

mcD. Common yar…we know he’s not your son…everyone knows :p

 

banquo. Ooopsss!

 

mcD. Enough for now…lets rush

 

they all reach the fortress where Duncan is deciding the prince of Cumberland.

 

Duncan. Whom we name the prince of Cumberland will be the one who shoots the fish’s eye same way Arjun did…

[someone from audience slaps him for his stupid jibber-jabber]

 

mcD[aside]. The prince of Cumberland! That is a step on which I must fall down….

 

Banquo. Come back you useless cawdor. I asked thou darest not to say soliloquy again…

 

mcD(with a frown).pardon me….but wat will I doest in DAGGER SCENE SOLILOQUY ???

 

banquo.see shall dat when it comes.

 

mcD. Ok continue

 

banquo. common duncan…invite yourself to the mcD’s house! 😉 😉 :p [winks at mcD]

 

a soothsayer from Julius Caesar appears  out of nowhere

 

soothsayer. Invite not thouself O! worthy king

thou assassination plan prevails

 

Duncan.get u gone…free feast is more dan I deserve

 

Soothsayer[aside]. Go on! Dnt listen to me! Caesar did ignore me and was stabbed.

So thou be ur fate old man….. TROLLEDDDD!!! 

 

 

….to be continued 🙂 🙂

 

 

 

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