It’s been a while since I have felt this conflicted as a girl. I have been weakened by the knowledge of what has happened here at Manipal.
I never thought I’d had to actually face such a dilemma, at least not here, at such a wonderful little University town. I admit I was plagued with this slight paranoia prior to my knowledge of the rape. Now that I know it has actually happened, I realize I am truly afraid.
When I first got confirmation that this disgusting and intolerable act had occurred at Manipal University and occurred right in front of the University building, I cried and felt sick. I was outraged that a girl was violated. I felt angry that the students were not notified immediately that it had occurred. I feel robbed, somehow, of my confidence and security. I felt vulnerable.
I wonder if these guys, these rapists, these disgusting pigs, ever crossed my path. I wonder if I might have smiled at them, if they smiled back, if they watched me secretly or if I may be next. As I walk, if I hear someone behind me, I get a queasy feeling and I keep looking back just to be on the safe side. I may seem paranoid, but I feel that it is justified.
Rape ranks among my greatest fears, along with being murdered, drowned, or suffocated.
I’m very angry that I had to find out about this rape through a friend of a friend. I’m outraged that these sick perverts are still out there, that it is known what kind of vehicle they were driving, that the area where they abducted a fellow student victim is an area in which I walk through fairly casually feeling protected when I am not.
I am learning a lot of lessons in all of this madness. I am learning that I cannot expect anyone to protect me. I have to rely on myself. I can’t rely on the police or the campus security because they are not keeping us informed, about these crimes. I feel we have the right to know that a girl, a fellow student, has been raped because we too are girls and that makes us ready victims for these sick bastards.
I am conflicted. I want to be strong. I feel that I am strong. I arrived here at Manipal and suddenly I am weakened and am afraid. I’ve become prey. It seemed to me that the older I became, the stronger and more independent I would become, but I am realizing that there are men out there that are bothered by women having power, so they feel they have to rob us of it.
If I had it my way, it would be an eye for an eye with regards to rapists. I would penalize them with unrelenting torture. I have no sympathy for them.
*I wish to remain anonymous. This is not just my view… I believe this letter is from every girl in the University today!!