Curbing Your Stalking Tendencies: Snooping for Your Man’s Elusive Ex

When you first get into a new relationship, one of the main points of your conversation would be past relationships. Some guys try to avoid this at all costs, while others are just too open to talking about it that you kinda wish they would just shut their trap. The thing about the “Ex-Talk” is that it opens up feelings of “curiosity”, and lets admit it, perhaps a tiny twinge of jealousy(?). Especially when he seems unnaturally affected by the failed relationship.

Admit it. Even if you weren’t the jealous kind, you’d feel just a teensy-weensy-bit curious about the ex. With the existence of networking sites: MySpace, Friendster, Facebook and Multiply, it just makes it all the more tempting to play “snoop” and look through his friends. Of course, you’d want to be a little discreet about it. You wouldn’t want him to think that you’re feeling insecure about the ex.

But there’s just something about the ex that you can’t seem to shake. Maybe it’s not jealousy, but you just really want to know whose footsteps you’re following. It’s happened a million times before.

Personally, I see nothing wrong with being a little curious. Technically, it shouldn’t matter to you who she is, and what she looks like, since as men would often put it “it’s over.” But sometimes satisfying your curiosity could make the relationship stronger—when you see how much better you are than the ex, you’re bound to feel more secured. (Although a bit of warning, it works the other way around as well—ever seen Little Black Book?)

Well, the first thing you’d have to consider would be the repercussions of your actions… if you get caught. You wouldn’t want your boyfriend accusing you of being his ex-girlfriend’s stalker. Bottomline is, if you do end up stalking the ex, for pete’s sake, cover your tracks! Log out of your account (Friendster, Multiply, MySpace or Facebook) or turn off the option that allows other people to see when you visit their account.

Second: unless your man is exhibiting dubious behavior—meaning he disappears on you while you’re having dinner, is über protective and defensive when he’s texting someone or calling someone, or he drops you when she calls—there’s no real reason for you to worry about the ex. By the way, if he drops you when she calls, or backs out on a date you guys have because she has a problem—unless it’s a major emergency like someone died or someone’s going to die, it’s pretty unforgivable.

Another thing, if you do end up finding the ex, do not blog about it, especially if you have mutual friends. Nothing spells insecurity faster and more accurately than a stalker girlfriend caught red-handed. Your main goal is to check up on the girl, not to get caught and create an online hissy fight with her.

Lastly, if you’ve seen the movie, you know what happens to Brittany Murphy’s character in Little Black Book. The basic rule of snooping, don’t try it unless you’re sure you can live with whatever you find. Are you really willing to risk your relationship to check up on the ex? You have the man, unless he gives you reason to doubt him, don’t give him reason to stop trusting you.

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