Do you realize that instead of your child being a problem child, he just might not understand or relate to you? Children, like adults, relate to others in ways they understand. They often cannot even fathom what you are telling them if it’s not told to them the “right” way.
There are personality types that come into play. See if you can pin down your child’s most prominent personality and then try to relate to him in that way. Here are a few types of ways to relate – you might try different ones and see which your child picks up on best. Remember that your child may go through different phases, so in a month or in a week from now, it might be that he would respond to a different type of communication from you.
If your child is likes touch, try giving hugs, kisses, “high-fives,” nudges, little tackles and catch-me games, etc. If your child likes to be praised, make sure to use positive reinforcement (not scolding – tell him what he does right), be encouraging and proud of all he does, and tell him you love him. If he likes to do things for others – go to “projects” and volunteering outings with him – he might like to serve in a soup line for the poor, etc. If he is heavily into getting “things” – you might give him something special once in awhile (but don’t “cave in” to his “I wants” or you’ll see a lot of manipulation to get more things from you) – it need not cost much, or you might even make it. If your child loves to have you to himself, then make yourself available and BE with him, paying
attention to no one or nothing else.
Once you have a good idea of how he connects with you, use that type of communication with him for as long as it works. The child will understand you better, and it will help him feel loved by you. Have his other parent figure out the same thing – the child may not connect in the same way with both of you.
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