Whole Again – A Poem by Pranathi


Do you know
The secrets I keep?

The one’s up there
Wrapped so beautifully
In bows and trinkets
Feathers and vice

And they never tell me twice
So I can never forget
The look in her eye
And the fear in her breath
As she begged me to understand
She didn’t want that
And I nod once
Because I do understand

How afraid she was
Of falling apart
Of being alone
Of breathing
The same way once again
Something must have changed
Did it not?
Does the world go on,
Same as yesterday?

And she’s stuck looking at the mirror
Thinking, what did I say
To make him think
That it was okay?

Maybe it’s ’cause
I never said anything
And now I’m stuck
With the regret of freezing
Did she smile
She tries to remember

I close my eyes
And I’m back in December
Where it’s so, so cold
My bones can feel the shiver
I start to remember

This is my very own fear
I can’t pull out my hair
So I sit down
And press razorblades to my skin
This is my secret to keep
And it’s much more difficult
Because vanilla makes me
wanna crawl out of my own skin

All these vivid things
Shine ever so bright
In front of my eyes
And I just wanna hide
From the person I was
Shaking and afraid
Unable to come out
From that place in my head

Now the scars fade
And I’m me again
I keep her secrets
I swallow her shame
One day, she too
Will be whole again.

About the Poet: Pranathi likes reading gay fanfiction in her free time and describes herself as poisoned cotton candy. Her poetry is dark at best and very rarely happy. She studies BPharm at Manipal College of Pharmaceutical Sciences and loves chemistry.

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