Little girl: So mommy, am I a princess? (Completely normal)
Mommy: Yes baby! You are the worlds’ most beautiful princess! (Ok. She is small, once should not be rude)
Little girl: (giggles) Okay. Where is my prince? (Normal once again)
Now, mommies should realize that a child’s imagination in his/her formative years plays a decisive role in the personality build up and their expectations from life.
What a mommy should reply to the above question is this: “Oh baby! Princes are only in story books. You too will have a prince dear but that is different from story books.” Then hug her and put her to sleep.
But we don’t live in a utopia do we?
Here is when everything goes wrong: “Yes my dear! One day a handsome charming prince will come on a horse and take you away in his strong arms and then you will live happily ever after.”
This might be a small event or incidence in every household but for a child it is the first impression of a life partner. This nonexistent prince charming has not only ruined the lives of many girls but also made us men practically incapable of fulfilling the unrealistic expectations of some women.
Indian men, the term itself is completely unjustified. There are millions of men in this vast country. To generalize them in one go is like referring to Indian women in their stereotyped roles which have been wrongfully set up in this country. Now a set of misconceptions about Indian men which every girl/woman must go through:
1.) Indian men are chauvinistic pigs: I have heard this sentence in more than one occasion courtesy: pseudo feminists and the media which hypes these statements. Living in rural India will give the foreigner an idea of the condition of women. Men naturally assume that they are better at everything than women. When it comes to cooking, it is considered as an insult for men in rural India. Women are subjected to domestic violence at times and for other atrocities we have a star vigilante who is doing everything in his power to defame the Indian man. But no one cares about the not-so-stereotypical stories.
I am from a small city. Things are not the same as it is shown in the idiot box. A man giving his complete salary to his wife is very common in my area. Women work, drive, hang out with other working women and live a completely normal life which is contradictory to the idea of male dominance. My own mother is an English professor and I can give you countless examples of such women in my own city who lead a happy life with full support of their better half which are very much INDIAN.
2.) The three H’s: Another stereotype which does the rounds amongst women is the three H’s. Hygiene, hair and horrible habits. Now when it comes to hygiene I want to make it clear that hygiene doesn’t have anything to do with the looks. If you are a girl/woman from urban area please go out with urban men and vice versa. If you consider the bus conductor as an example of how unhygienic Indian men are then I would suggest you to have a look on the maid of the house as well. Truly educated men know how to carry themselves, no matter which part of the world. Now as far as the horrible habits go, I will agree that many men, even from the well educated families may display several acts or habits which are not exactly textbook good manners but then again do not jump to conclusions. Once a man is aware of the habit he will never do that on purpose. And with the disastrous hairstyles some girls go for these days, don’t even get me started on the hair.
3.) Indian men have major ego issues: Like any other competitive man, I do not like to lose. If I do, I try to win the next time and this goes on. This is a very healthy attitude in the world we live and extra generosity towards the winning party is nothing but foolishness or buttering. Many times the opponent is a female. The attitude of any competitive man would be to win and that is the way it should be. The expression, facial or verbal, after losing against a woman is HIGHLY hyped. The sentence of ‘ladki se haar gaya’ should be understood. It is not the person who lost and is disappointed who is a sexist but it’s the person who says the above line. Winning or losing, be it in the field of academics, extra-curricular activities or even arguments in a relationship are very natural and it should be respected without involving the sex or race for that matter.
The point of writing this article is very simple: Do not generalize.
Indian men, American men or African men, the only difference is the culture. Any woman who expects men out of Mills and Boons is living under an illusion which is very painful when it breaks. Every human is different. No two people are same. If you fail to understand this, you are not intellectually capable of understanding the human nature which is a pre-requisite of living a happy life.
Nice Work……
Thanks bud! 🙂
“My own mother is an English professor and I can give you countless examples of such women in my own city who lead a happy life with full support of their better half which are very much INDIAN”
I agree– but do you realize that there an equal number of “educated” men who behave as if they are human and their wives are not.
If it were so, that all women were happy/leading equal lives we wouldn’t have dowry being demanded/dowry deaths/ female infanticide.
And this doesn’t happen in rural India, it happens in big metros too.
The other two points are fine. I agree with the fact that:
a. Girls and boys too— (haven’t countless mothers told their sons that their dream princess will be FAIR, BEAUTIFUL and SOFT SPOKEN?) should have better goals than getting married!
b. As for egos, well girls have them too!
@yahoo-YE4TJZ27M3GUEBDKSBIXKUI44M:disqus I am well aware of the problems which are associated with women. I did not comment on metros just because of my inexperience in that matter. The men who behave the way you described should be criminally prosecuted. But such incidences should not be taken as exhibits of the nature of Indian men. I am just trying to show the better side as well hoping that the boys/men reading this will realize the right thing.
About the princess, I was lucky. My mother brought me every fairytale in the world and let my imagination expand with them. But I always knew courtesy my mom, that reality and fiction are never to be mistaken for the same thing. I hope other womwn would realize that too.
Ego problem is associated with the human being irrespective of the sex. Glad you agree 🙂
Thanks for sharing your opinion!
‘ladki se haar gaya’.so common.so true.gud one:)
Exactly! And not a healthy practice at all..! I hope that people understand this and refrain from using such comments 🙂
A very thought provoking one.. i completely agree with the fact that kids should be brought up with a sense of reality.. delusion can be very hurtful at times.. nd i also hate it when people generalize wrt any topic.. a person should be judged individually if at all, never generally! Well written..!
yep! the thought of disturbing the fairy world might be uncomfy but it does a lot good to the kid in reality! every person is different..that is what I tried to say to this! Thank u! 🙂
It’s not nice to steretype, however, a person’s culture definitely plays a role…as does the person’s family dynamics and values. I am married to an Indian man. I am a caucasian woman. There seemed to be a strong compatibility between us. Similar spiritual beliefs, both of us are vegetarian, ambitious, nice people who wanted many of the same things in life. We openly discussed stereotypes as we were getting to know each other and before we married. However, when the going got tough (we had several major life stressors happen in a two year period), he wasn’t focused on anyone but himself. He chose work over family. His actions were in conflict with his “beliefs”. He did not hold up his responsibilities as a man, husband, father, human being. I truly believe there is something in Indian life, said or unsaid, that make Indian men think they are the center of the Universe. It’s not ok to treat people badly, and what I really mean by this is its not ok to treat the people you love and who love you –badly. On appearances, my husband is a charming, quiet, nice man. The fact is, NO ONE–including his family—knew what he was like. He was horrid. Verbally abusive and oh so manipulative. It’s not ok to be a hypocrite. It’s not ok to choose something meaningless over something meaningful (family), its not ok to try to manipulate someone to do it your way by exerting control over them or threats. I am certain not all Indian men are like my husband, however, I have to tell you that as much as I am attracted to the culture, the people, the spirituality of the Indian people….it will be very hard to believe anything that is said without seeing the actions to back it up. Unfortunately, to a much lesser degree, I saw this in some of the friendships with Indian women. It was very self-serving. As soon as the “What’s in it for me” was in question, the relationship faned.
I was in a relationship with and Indian man for two years and I experienced a lot of what you have. My ex partner also came across as this kind, gentle, quite man but behind closed doors he was controlling, abusive and manipulative. He also would not do anything unless he thought he would get something in return. Some of my friends dated Indian men too, and while none of them were in your face chauvinists it was made clear to us that we should know our place and submit.
Yes, I think Indian mothers need to think twice about what kind of husband they would prefer and then raise their son accordingly.
deserves a good rating. loved this, might actually will clear the air and heads of some obnoxious bitches ! *profanity is deeply regretted, yeah sure* :/
I am a working married women. Had a love marraige. Now married for two years. Had same education as my husband. Earn more than him.
Last night I told him to just keep is dirty socks in the laundary basket. He shouted at me for three hours telling me that I am no one to tell him how he should live. And if I have a problem with anything I should fix it myself and not tell him to amend any of his habits.
I work whole day.. so does he. I go home do all the household stuff while he happily enjoys his television time. What did I deserve to recieve such a treatment? Other that being married to him.
your fault you married a jackass.. dont blame all men for your stupid jerk of a husband.. beat him in his sleep if you can..lol
Honestly. That’s just YOUR husband. And this article is about NOT considering the entire male population of India to be like your husband.
Great work.Excellent Conclusion!
I am indian woman….I come from a very rural part of india ( not naming it)..Ive heard of many stereotypes of how woman are treated in North India(Im from the south)…..Ive lived in different parts of the world…..from my experience I can totally say that men in other parts of the world arent exactly saints ( from experience)…..but the fact is India is one country that can never be generalised…I come from a community in India which followed matriarchy for a very long time…Men had to fight for their rights of property. I find it very interesting to learn more about these traditional customs from my grandmom. I finally realised that she lived a better life than me. I really do not have any idea about the rest if India…..But love marriages are very common in this rural part of India where I live ( though inter religious marriages are frowned upon) ……No man will ever dare to abuse a woman here ( he might get beaten up by villagers ). Female infanticide may be problem in North…..Here we had a problem of unwanted male babies long ago ( ITS TRUE ) …of course things have changed in this century……..INDIA IS DIFFERENT EVERY 5 Kms…IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO GENERALISE — from an Indian woman fed of stereotypes