Paradox

[dropcap]W[/dropcap]e can be so weird at times… Being happy and yet depressed at the same time… And not knowing the reason why we feel that ache in our heart! Your mind keeps traveling to unknown zones and you can feel your heart aching and pining for something or probably someone’s company but you are not able to figure out what exactly is wrong… that silly moment when you want to be left alone but at the back of your mind, a faint voice is crying out for company! It leaves you in a lurch; at cross-heads with your own self…  You are at that critical juncture where your move will decide the course your life might take and you are not even sure if that would be for the better or for the worse…  That moment when you want to be a part of the laughter and the cheerful vibrancy and exuberance around you but with each failed attempt, you realize that there is something holding you back from joining the crowd… you find yourself alone amidst a swarm of people throbbing with energy and excitement… you try asking yourself the reason for your gloominess that’s making you shut yourself from the whole world… and in return, you are answered by an eerie silence and you know your life is not how it used to be.

That moment when you see a little kid running up to his mother and planting a kiss on his mother’s cheeks after a long day at school and you are immediately filled with memories of you sharing such beautiful moments with your mother who may now be very far from you… all of a sudden, nostalgia makes you sink into the depths of sadness and you feel helpless… you yearn for the comfort of your mother’s lap and her reassuring words but the physical distance comes in the way of you running to your mother and giving her a tight hug, knowing she would hug you tighter and even her silent yet comforting act would speak louder than her words… coz you know she would understand without you uttering a word.

That one moment when you see a little kid enjoying a ride with his dad and you are pushed down the memory lane where you can see yourself being pampered and spoilt by your dad… you feel scared and insecure and all you need to do is just walk up to your dad and hug him… As soon as your dad encloses you in the safe embrace of his arms, suddenly you feel the power of his protective shield working magic on you and keeping every problem at bay… you feel lost and hopeless coz you can’t run to dad and hug him immediately.

That one moment when you see a couple of friends sharing a light moment, laughing over the silliest of jokes or just talking incessantly about almost anything that their minds can think of… you miss sharing such moments with your friends… you miss having your best friend around to share the happiest and the gloomiest moments of your life with you… somehow your little world seems so incomplete with one of the major pieces of your puzzle missing… your best friend who can just give you a tight reassuring hug and pat your back saying that as long as she/he is there, no one can dare make you feel sad.

That one moment when you see a couple walking hand-in-hand, looking into each other’s eyes, oblivious to the world around them… that comfort zone where even silence is comfortable and their eyes reflect the passion and love their heart holds for that special someone… you find the world in your lover’s eyes and you keep chatting merrily as the time flies by without your knowledge… you yearn for those moments when even you could just fling yourself into your lover’s embrace and hug him tight as if your whole life depended on it… you yearn for the company, the comfort and the love… and yet you know you are far from getting lucky in your chance at love… a failed relationship, a broken heart, a failed attempt at reconciliation, the pain of a betrayal and the fear of getting your heart trampled yet again, keep you from giving yourself a second chance.

There are so many beautiful things life has to offer… but sometimes, it’s we who shut ourselves out from all the pleasures for some reason unknown… it’s beyond human nature to put in words the feeling of paradox wherein you find yourself too lost and too lonely despite having people around you who really care! And you know, you are not to blame, neither are the people around you! I am sure each one of us has experienced or will experience this paradoxical feeling at some point of our lives… Human nature finds solace in pushing the blame unto something but who do we blame? The circumstances presenting themselves before us??? Is it really so? Probably, we can blame it on some unknown force that tries to bog us down and make us sink to the nadir of despair… The contrasting emotions… Life can be such a mess sometimes!