Catching a Cheating Boyfriend: The Truth about Monogamy

Relationships are built on trust. One of the fundamental aspects of being in a relationship with someone is that both individuals are required to be monogamous to make the relationship work, unless of course it’s an “open relationship”, which I don’t particularly understand nor do I want to understand at this point.

Anyhoo, biologists would point out au contraire, mon chou. Humans, like the rest of the animal kingdom, are predisposed to cheat on their respective mates. They claim that monogamy is something unnatural to humans. And that men and women pursue it for different reasons. While men would pursue it due to sexual reasons—some men would argue that it’s natural for men to cheat with all that seed-spreading that needs to be done, women, on the other hand pursue it for emotional reasons—their partner simply doesn’t give as much attention as they’d like. Men need sexual variety, women need validation. It’s cyclical. You meet, you fall in-love, you get comfortable (no longer in-love) and someone starts looking. Looking leads to touching, touching leads to another relationship. It’s a rather simple diagram that some biologists and some psychologists would paint for us.

But then, as an opposing argument to this one, a predisposition to cheat is simply an inclination. Cheating happens only when there is action involved. While there are some individuals that would consider thinking of another person or having crushes as a type of cheating, as “mental cheating”, I think that there’s nothing wrong with this, as long as at the end of the day, the couple chooses to stay together. Although having a crush is definitely different from being in-love with somebody else, the second one is definitely a NO-NO. Therefore, it is inexcusable if either partner cheats in a relationship. Cheating at the very least warrants an “almost-break-up” or a “clean-break.”

If you have that sinking feeling that your partner’s cheating on you, then there would certainly be reasons as to why you’d think that. It’s either your partner is exhibiting “dubious” behavior, or your relationship hasn’t been smooth-sailing and you’ve both been skating on thin ice. Whatever the cause, if you’re planning on catching your cheating partner, the following are some probable tell-tale signs which could help you play PI (private investigator).

  • He’s jumpy, nervous and all-around panicky around you. When his defenses are up, when you try to broach the subject, then there’s something surely a-miss.
  • If you’re out together and someone calls on his mobile, and he whispers “I really can’t talk right now, call you later”, and then launches into some long explanation about some co-worker and some stupid project he’s working on, even when you’re not asking. Tsk tsk. His need to explain could be a sign of overcompensation. In the first place, if it were a co-worker and it’s an important project, he would have taken the call OR he wouldn’t have felt the need to whisper.
  • He starts dressing differently, sprays a new scent all the time, and begins being real critical about every little thing that you do, release the hounds. If he starts his complaints with “why don’t you ever”, then it’s highly likely he’s making comparisons between you and the other girl.
  • He accuses YOU of cheating on HIM. Reverse psychology or the workings of a guilty-mind. Most likely, the people who accuse their partners with little or no reason, are the ones inclined to cheat. Reversing the situation acts as a balm for the bruised conscience.
  • He’s constantly unavailable and pretty inconsistent when it comes to contacting you. If he used to be Mr. Effort, and now has turned into Mr. No-Show, signs are clear—the relationship is heading for rocky regions.
  • He just can’t stop lying. If he lies about the little things and you catch him, then it’s highly probable that he could lie to you about the big things. In relationships (or in life as I’d like to believe), white lies are still lies, and omission of truth is as good as lying.

If your gut-feel has been acting up, and you just feel like something’s wrong with the relationship, then you ought to trust it. But remember let’s not jump to conclusions here. Never accuse until you’ve got concrete evidence of his infidelity. Before accusing him of anything, the best thing you can do if you think your partner’s cheating, is to talk to him about it. If you find that it’s IMPOSSIBLE to talk to him rationally about it, then your relationship has bigger issues than just cheating. Communication is key to making a relationship work.

About ManipalMonk 90 Articles

The ways of the monk are turbid and often give you a solid headache but devotion and commitment is the first step to enlightenment ( also known as stick to your poison ). To share your enlightenment with the monk, write to him at manipal.monk@manipalblog.com