How often have we heard some one say that Akshata or John has low self-esteem? It seems to be a buzzword and everyone is using it whether they understand what it means or not.
Even if they do not understand fully what it means, they have some idea. Our self-esteem is related to our self-worth and our value – our self-image. Our self-esteem is how we see or picture ourselves. If we see a loser, then we will be losers. If we see someone who counts only when he is in control, we will turn out to be pushy, overly aggressive, dominating, and insensitive. If we see someone who is loved and accepted, we will be much more apt to love and accept other people as well. You see, however we act from even our earliest years is tied to our self-esteem or self-image.
Building your self-esteem is a first step towards your happiness and a better life. This process of building positive self-esteem or a healthy self-image starts with how we parent our children. It also has to do with how we were parented. Building a healthy self-image in our children means we will have children who are responsible and capable, confident but not obnoxious, sensitive to the needs of other people but not doormats, always trying to do their best but never getting hung up on perfectionism. It is critical that parents spend as much time as possible learning how to build their child’s self-esteem and sense of self-worth if we are to avoid the many tragic results we see when children grow up with a poor self-image.
A child who sees himself as worthwhile and useful has no need to develop destructive behaviours. He/she does not turn to drugs and rebellion. He/she possesses a cooperative spirit, a sense of responsibility, and positive attitudes towards his family. The relationship with parents is one of mutual trust and respect.
An individual may be said to have high or low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is to not value, or have high regard for oneself. People with low self-esteem never feel in charge of their lives. They often feel like victims. They feel like outsiders, left out, unimportant. One writer notes that low self-esteem has two faces. One is the personality that seems to always be the underdog, the underachiever, the negative one, the one who says I can’t, I couldn’t, I shouldn’t, I have to. The other face is the person who seems very confident, a take-charge type of person, very in control, very opinionated, positional, and often in leadership positions. All of this bravado is still a face of low self-esteem.
This type of person, may show any or all of these traits: when things go wrong wants to eat people alive, or is a perfectionist, demanding, and self-centered, can’t take criticism, instruction, or direction, is very independent and self-sufficient. They may be in leadership positions, and yet not be true leaders.
This type of low self-esteem will often deny that anything is wrong, because thinking they are in charge is their protection. If someone is truly in charge of their life they will eliminate anger, irritation and the desire to control others. They let others make decisions for themselves without trying to be in control, and let others be responsible for their actions.
Persons with high self-esteem are usually in charge of their lives; they are confident, happy and sure of themselves. They are highly motivated and have the right attitude to succeed. They take 100% responsibility for everything that happens in their lives. If relationships are not working in their life, they ask, what is it in me that is attracting this type of person or what am I doing to create this situation, instead of blaming the other person. If things are not going, as they would like them to, they ask what can I do to change this and they tap into their creative, intuitive side. They do not waste time saying, if only this, or if only that. They set about discovering why this is presently their situation.
If you are tired of feeling “less than”, afraid of making and achieving your desires and goals, feel that no matter what you do is never “good enough”, then your self-esteem could do with a boost! Having low self-esteem takes an enormous toll on the quality of your life. You take fewer risks, which limits your opportunities, both personally and professionally. You are reluctant to voice or acknowledge your needs. You are probably also haunted by your past mistakes and making future ones.
If you are going to raise your self-esteem and improve the quality of your life you need to do a few positive things. You should stop comparing yourself to other people. You could only be you, do not try to be someone else. Stop putting yourself down. If you constantly repeat negative comments about yourself, other people will pick up on it and treat you the way you treat yourself. Accept all compliments graciously. Do not dismiss or ignore them. If you do others will become reluctant to praise or acknowledge your abilities. Mix with positive and supportive people.
Who you associate with influences your thoughts, actions and behaviour. Acknowledge your positive qualities and skills. Learn how to truly affirm and value your many excellent qualities. Stop putting up with stuff. Find out what you are putting up with and get rid of those tolerations. Involve yourself in work and activities that you love and finally start taking action! When you start taking action regardless of the outcome you will start to feel better about yourself, develop your self-confidence and raise your self-esteem.
I want you to tell yourself today and every day. ” I CAN MAKE MY OWN CHOICES AND DECISIONS”.