5 Highlights of a Typical Bollywood Movie

I have seen over 20-30 Bollywood movies in the past few months and it stuck me: With a few changes here and there, most of them are exactly the same. Here in this article I am going to share with you some of my observations that I have made in the past few months (yes, I made notes in a movie theatre for you guys).

1. The heroine is usually dumb: Every other Bollywood movie has an actress that would scores less than a cow in an IQ test. Be it the latest snooze-fest called Bang Bang (what is with the highly inappropriate grandma) or be it any other movies like Ek Villain, Highway etc. The reason is obvious: Many Indian men like to believe that women are dumb and showing that in movies just makes it easier to reach the 100 crore figure. But there is a definite improvement this year with women centric movies like Mardaani, Mary Kom, Queen and Gulaab Gang making the headlines. Hope this trend continues!Dumb Indian Bollywood Heroine

2. No bullet shall touch the hero: It seems like the Bollywood villains are given a formal training in how to never hit the target even of you have like 50 machine guns on your side. And of course, when the hero finally gets off his lazy ass and shoots one bullet, everyone dies. Sometimes, I cry thinking about this.

3. The entry scene: Bikes flying, gold falling from sky, loud music and slow motion. And then a familiar face comes in focus smiling as if he has done a great ehsaanon the audience by making a movie. And of course, the audience gets more high than Leo DiCaprio did on Quaaludes in The Wolf of Wall Street and goes bonkers. Geez!

4. Logic gaya tel lene: Jump from a 10 story building and still dance like a chimpanzee high on life. Hit one guy and ten fly while the helpless heroine is impressed by the violence. In the movie 3 AM, we can actually see the camera in the shadows. I mean sh*t guys! Give us some respect.

5.  The songs: Torture. Listening to the lyrics is a torture for anyone who respects music. Sure, Bollywood songs have the beats! I will give them that. But the content? 1,2,3,4 Get on the dance floor (okay!) Booty Shake, Booty Shake (wait, what?!) Shoulder hichak michik, Body hichak michik (I am outta here, BYE!).

Even though it has been a pain to endure these movies and make these observations, I still have hope for the industry when they make movies like Queen and Haider! Lets hope that the audience gives them a chance and we see some better films on the future. Till then Yo Yo Honey Singh can dream of a Grammy! Hmpf!

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You may say I’m a dreamer but I’m not the only one :)