10 Safety Tips for Men

Why are tips being provided for women safety only. Here is my tip list for the safety of men.


1. Always leave home fully covered from head to toe. For ultimate safety it should be non-form hugging woolen body suit without a zipper.

2. Do not leave home even if you have a woolen body suit. Stay at home and enjoy life with your family. Help them in making aloo gobi and chapatis.

3. If you have to leave home, like in desperate situations, like for going to take exams, do not take crowded buses or trains. This actually means that do not go out as there are no non-crowded buses or trains. Anyways, why do you need to take exams.

4. If you have to leave home, like in desperate situations, like for going to a doctor when you are sick, do not take buses or trains which do not have many people as being alone in a bus or train is dangerous. Anyways, you would not need to go to a doctor if you had followed advise 1 and worn a woolen body suit.

5. Do not invite attention to yourself when you are in a public place. The problem with following this advise is that the public will never tell you what an invite is. For e.g. if you are in a public place and look up from the ground to see where you are going, that is an invite to harass you for some members of the public. Another invite would be if you yawned because that is a direct invite to people to sleep with you.

6. Never eat Chinese food specially noodles as noodles are very suggestive about naughty things in life – they start out hard and after some coercion become soft. They incite unnecessary thoughts in your mind. Better if you stick with aloo gobi and chapatis made by you.

7. Avoid anything dark which includes chocolates, corners and nights. Specially dangerous situation can arise if you consume a dark chocolate sitting in a dark corner on a dark night.

8. Behave decently. At all times. Even when you are alone in the bathroom. Which means that no more humming of Sheila Ki Jawani and shaking of your hips to Baby Doll in the confines of your privacy. Please realize that your life is not private.

9. You need to learn self defense. Best way to do it is to find an apartment in Defence Colony. Every city in India has one. And while you sit at home doing nothing watch Kung Fu Panda 777 times and you will learn Kung Fu Panda which is an extremely useful technique about to become extinct. It works by you climbing trees and appearing cute.

10. Use your smart phone smartly. If you cannot afford a smart phone, too bad. You are at the mercy of the public.

Hope the list is helpful. Stay safe.

About the Author: Ashwini Mathur is a resident of Hyderabad. In the past he has worked at GSK Pharmaceuticals as a Senior General Manager and at Novartis after that. He has a Master’s degree in Mathematics from IIT Delhi, a PhD in bio-statistics from University and College Berkeley, California and an executive MBA from IIM Bangalore.

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  • ssatad

    This made my day 😉