I return from work, it has been a long day and I am weary yet expectant.
Love is a beautiful thing. It energizes you. My steps are quicker as I approach home. My eyes searching, my heart , alive. I smile to myself as I get closer. All weariness gone, my thoughts a happy flutter of butterflies in a field of yellow.
She waits for me, petite, demure, a yellow scarf flying around her neck proclaiming her total and complete victory over me. I spot her and my smile broadens. I lock my cycle, give her a quick hug and rush up to my room. A quick wash, change of clothes and we set out.
We walk along the promenade, hand in hand, I just can’t get enough of her. It has been six months now and yet , I do not tire of her. I take her hand to my lips as we walk. She talks, I listen. She is happy, she is sad, she was upset, she is OK now. She did something clever, she did something foolish, she saw someone pretty , she saw a dress she liked. She ate this and drank that. Her hand in mine, we walk and walk and walk and my smile closes doors to all morbid thoughts. In her company, I am happy, simply happy. The simplest pleasures in life come my way in the simplest of ways. I met her, we spoke, and we are, now, walking together.
After the movie, it is a chilly evening, she snuggles closer to me and puts her dainty hands in my jacket’s pocket. I put my arm around her and we walk on, on the broad wooden length. A drizzle starts, we pause, she turn to me and we kiss … a slow, long kiss. A simple kiss, a kiss that takes as much away from me as it fills me up; with the best of happiness a man can hope for in his life. To feel the rain on me, to feel her body against me, her arms around me, her lips against mine; our bubble, our universe, oblivious to the world around us. A truth. A reality. A happy reality. I can smell her fragrance and I want to sear this moment into my memory.
Now that I sit and search my mind and scrape it, over and over, trying to recollect those moments, those small things that made life OK. The memories make me smile, they make me feel warm inside but they also kill me, I can’t stop the tear escaping my eye. Little did I know, I will miss them so much, those moments, those small actions , those non-entities. Never did I think I will miss her voice, her words, her stories, her dainty hand in mine so much and after so long. I miss her, so much that I don’t know how to define it to myself.
There is nothing that I want to do. All I want to do is walk down that road again, and every time with just you; sit on the boat and look at the vast expanse of water in front of us , and have u lean your head on me and feel your hair in my face as my arms encompass u and I feel like the bravest man that ever walked this earth, and the luckiest one at that!
And I remember you are married now and you have a baby boy. And I sigh, look at my phone in defeated resignation and turn it face down and turn to the page in front of me. And I write….