18th November 2000 was the day I dreaded in my whole life. The day, that by a simple telephone call had turned my whole life upside down. She had left me. Left me and everyone else for good. That morning, I had received a call from her brother saying that she had committed suicide. They had found her dead in her bedroom supposed after taking some poison as they found a bottle hidden in her closet.
Why did she do this to me? Why?
It is all my fault, every bit of it. All of her sufferings were because of me. I was he cause of all her pain. I should not have doubted her, not even accused her of double-timing me. She was horrified by my accusations. She denied it and tried to explain it all to me but, no , I never listened, never gave a chance. It’s all my fault.
I still clearly remember the days when we were together.
I had first laid eyes on her at a birthday party. She came dressed in just a simple blue dress. She had the most beautiful eyes that I ever seen.
Not only that, there was just something about her that made my heart miss a beat. She had come with a whole bunch of friends, but instead of continuing to be with them, she just sat in a corner, drinking some juice, while smiling to all onlookers and a few admirers too.
When the party started getting really heated up, everyone was dancing away enjoying themselves even me. But, I could not help notice that she was not interested at all. The party was really good, the music was great as the deejay was spinning fantastic music, boys and girls dancing, yet she was not even bothered.
She intrigued me.
Then, all of sudden, she got up and left the place. I looked into every room and every corner of the house, but I never found her. Then, I just looked out of the window, and there she was in the garden outside the house, sitting down and gazing into the sky. The moonlight shone and the breeze was blowing, she looked even more beautiful. From that moment, I knew we were made for each other.
I cooked up all the courage in the world, and went into the garden. I walked up to her, as soon as she saw me coming, she stood up. As I approached her, I held my hands out, as thought to, to shake her hands. It was a stupid thing to do, but that was all I could think of doing at that time.
I introduced myself to her and shook her hand. She had very gentle soft hands. I was melting.
Then we sat and spoke. We had so much to talk about. Se seemed really different. Earlier, when she walked into the party, she was a girl, reserved, shy, and now, she was very friendly, open and I must say, so beautiful.
We had so much in common we sat and spoke until the party was over. We parted. She left but only physically and not mentally. She was always there on my mind. And, I never got either her address or her telephone number. Stupid of me not to ask her, but we were too engrossed in our conversation.
But then, I guess lady luck was smiling at me because the host of the party knew her and I got her address and number. From there I would call her up, first, once a day, then twice and thrice and then we started going out together.
We really enjoyed each other company.
Slowly, we broke the news to our parents about our relationship, and they agreed. I was more than ecstatic. My mother loved her to bits and she said her dad liked me a lot too.
Things were really getting on well.
But, lately, I had only seen her once in a week. She had avoided me. I never understood why but when I called her up or go to her place, either she would be busy or she was not in. I missed her a lot but she seemed unaffected or even bothered about the thought of both of us being apart.
It was two weeks since I saw her.
Then one day, when I was out driving around, I saw her. She was there with my best friend. They both got into the car and left. I could not hold myself back. I followed their car, they drove back to his place, and they went into the house. I was devastated. All kinds of thoughts were racing through my mind.
I drove back home, went in, and locked myself in the room. She could not be doing this to me. No, she cannot, she is not that type of a girl and yet what I saw.
I called her later that evening and told her that I wanted to see her. She agreed to my surprise.
I told her that I would go over to her place.
I went there. She was already waiting for me at the gate. That two-timer was all that I could think when I saw her. I was burning with rage.
As soon as I got into the house, I started shouting at her and accusing her of doing things that I regretted ever saying. She was just blankly at me, dumbfounded at my sudden burst of anger. She started crying. I had prepared myself for this, no giving in to all her sob stories. She tried to tell me but kept saying that she will explain when the time is right.
What the hell does she think she is doing? Steal my heart and then now crush it to pieces.
I wasn’t going to stay to listen to anyone of her stories and I told her it was all over and walked out of the house.
I did not even look back to see what she had to say or even what her expression was.
As soon as I reached home, she tried calling me but I refused to listen or even to speak to her. She cried and pleaded but I never listened, I would just slam the telephone down.
Then, the next call that came, the next day, my brother answered it after me insisting that he do because I did not want to speak to her.
But, he said it was a guy calling for me, and I took the call. It was her brother. He had called me to tell me that she had committed suicide.
My whole world came crashing down on me. I did not know that she would take it so badly. I fell down. Too confused and dumbfounded to think.
She had left me forever.
Then, my best friend came. He came to tell me that they were together to plan a surprise party. That hit me even more. I regret saying those things to her but it is too late now.
It is all my fault.
About the Author: Tribeni Bag is an alumnus of Melaka Manipal Medical College. She is working with the Ministry of Health, Malaysia and resides in Kuala Lumpur. This short story won the 1st prize in the ICHS short story writing contest held in November 2000.