Dear Manipal Akka,
My last girlfriend called me a jealous freak and left me. My present girlfriend hasn’t given up on me yet, but she is forever warning me that if I do not change and start trusting her she will leave too.
I tell her that I trust her and that she is wrong about me when it comes to the jealous talk, but I know that I need to check myself. She is very pretty and sometimes I worry that she will go off with someone else. I get fretful.
I try to find all sorts of excuses to stop her going out without me. I sometimes tell her that I would buy her a new dress if she would go out with me. It has not been easy, but so far, I have managed to stop myself from turning up when she says she is going out with her female friends.
She is a very friendly person, and I hate when male friends call her at home or come up to her in the streets. I try not to show my jealousy, but I end up asking her so many questions about these people that she snaps and tells me to stop being so possessive.
I say I am sorry. I know what I am doing is not right. It can be overbearing, and I know that if I don’t stop I will run away every woman. I am not bad looking and I can get girls, but I can’t keep them.
You are happy with your looks, but obviously not happy with other aspects of yourself. Jealousy is insecurity in oneself. You doubt your self-worth.
You seem to think that others are more worthy of your girlfriend’s love than you are. You must learn to appreciate yourself and acknowledge your qualities. Get rid of any negative labels you may have pinned on yourself.
Your jealousy is also saying that you do not trust your girlfriend. Start believing in yourself and you will start trusting others. Your relationships will always be short-lived, without trust.
Instead of trusting your girlfriend you are trying to control her. Jealous people are often looking for power.
It’s possible that something happened in your past to make you doubt your own value and individuality, and is responsible for your present insecurity.
Maybe with the help of your girlfriend you could delve into your past and address those issues.