“When we were small we couldn’t wait to grow and now when we are grown it feels like wounded knees were better than broken heart.”
In everyone’s life a day comes, when life is waiting to shackle you in its arms, all alone, to be independent, to learn the pros and cons of existence, for experience and above all to make you realize that you have an inevitable role in shaping yourself.
The same was with me when I entered the gates of my boarding school for the first time . Though no one forced me, it was my wish as I was fascinated by the imagination of being with my friends all the time, where nothing would be there to stand between my dreams; where I was alone to conquer the world. And I well cherish those days as they made me what I am.
My parents left me with both of my younger brothers in the school with a tear in my mother’s eyes. It was for the first time when Maa was leaving us alone. I was in 10th class. I didn’t cry; maybe because it was my own wish to be a part of that world. But my younger brother did, after my parents left. Sometimes I feel being the eldest is a little hard, you hide your tears to wipe theirs.
It was a new place, a new experience to be with so many people. I wasn’t scared but some kind of new feeling was throbbing in my heart. Well, I still don’t acknowledge what that was, but somewhere it was telling me that it’s your world, your way; every step you move ahead is an assurance to yourself that one day will come when each step will make you feel proud.
The only words my Maa said before leaving us in school was “Look after your brothers and yourself.” I guess the first responsibility I got. I nodded. At that time I sensed the first meaning of her sentence which anyone who would read it will understand. But the hidden meaning is what I understand now. Being the eldest I was there stretching my arms in warmth for my brothers and after that for myself. My Maa would have given the same advice to my elder brother, if I had any.
I feel once you start reading into both aspects of a pure heart, there is nothing in this world which can hold you back. The expectations behind the spoken words and the deep pain behind the unspoken words are meant only for the one who can heed them. And to have such a person in your life is the greatest privilege.
There’s no definition for such a person but rather the one who’s happy in whatever you do; one who’s satisfied with you, no matter how much you expect; the one who wipes your tears even when you made them cry; the one who gives you their arms to apologise, no matter how much you hurt them and the one who’s eyes are an ocean in which your dreams are reflected.